Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but you know, if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.

Ross: So? So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.

Ross: Do you really serve people sneezers? Well um, I don't.

Dr Green: All right kids, ready?

Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green. Dr. Green: Uh.

Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.

Ross: Oh em, you don't need that.

Dr. Green: Why not? The carbon, it's messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.

Dr. Green: What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?

Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I I tip way too much, way, way, too much, it's a sickness really.

Rachel: Yeah it is, it is. We really, really have to do something about that. I know.

Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think I'm cheap?

Rachel: Oh Daddy, no he didn't mean anything by that, he really didn't.

Ross: Nothing I do means anything, really.

Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot.

You really wanna be Mr. Big Shot? Here, I'll tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right?

Ross: Well Mr. Big Shot is better than wet head.

Joey: Ok, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling.

Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done, something evil.

Now, that would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it' Ok, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is trying divide 232 by 13. And that's how it's done.

Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.

Student: Hey, Mr. Trib. Hey.

Student: Guess what, I got an audition!

Joey: Awww, one of my students got an audition. I'm so proud.

Student: I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?

Joey: Oh you bet! What's the part?

Student: Oh it's great, it's a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.

Rachel: You had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't just leave it alone.

Ross: Four percent. Ok. I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.

Rachel: Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. Oh, would you just see my chiropractor already.

Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to a medical school in a mini mall.

Ross: Hey Pheebs, what're you doing?

Phoebe: I'm, I'm freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldn't have!

All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn the lights on in her bedroom?

Rachel: Um, yeah. I am so dead!

Rachel: All right, look, here's the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, ok.

So, I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.

Ross: Look, hon honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't work.

Rachel: Ok, look, Ross, I realize that my father is difficult, but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here.

Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn't make any difference, except that I could pick your father up and say 'Like me! Like me, tiny doctor!'

Rachel: Ok, well can't you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For me?

Ross: Rachel, one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You've gotta face it, ok we're never gonna get along.

Rachel: Ok, well you are just going to have too, ok? Because I already got a mother and a father who cannot stay in the same room together, ok?

I don't wanna have to have a separate room for you too!

Ross: Ok, ok, ok. I'll get the bagels.

Monica: What's this?

Phoebe: Isn't it cool? Varoom! Varoom!

Monica: This is not the bed I ordered!

Phoebe: I know, you must've won like a contest or something!

Monica: Phoebe! Why is this car in my bedroom?

Phoebe: I'm sorry, ok? I I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it.

Monica: When did I sign for it?

Phoebe: When I was you! You know what, it's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!

Monica: Did you make brownies today?

Chandler: Knock, knock.

Monica: Quick, take off your dress, he won't notice the bed.

Chandler: Hey, I'm going for sushi does anybody want...Whoa whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.

Phoebe: It's Monica's bed. What?

Chandler: Ok. It's a race car.

Phoebe: So. This's always been Monica's bed, what you're just noticing now, how self involved are you?

Chandler: Ok, well if this bed isn't new, then how come there is plastic on the mattress?

Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams.

Student: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, that's not gonna be me, not me.

Joey: Wow! That was good. That was...Tweezers? No.

That was really good.

Student: Thanks, any suggestions?

Chandler: You told him to play the boxer gay? !

Joey: Well, I I might've said super gay.

Monica: Joey, the last time an actor did something this bad, a president died.

Chandler: Lincoln, Booth.

Joey: Something happened at the tunnel?

Monica: Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean how could you do this?

Joey: Because, Monica, the guy's so good, and I really, really want this part.

Phoebe: Well, if you really, really want it, then it's ok.

Rachel: Hi Daddy. Baby. Ross.

Ross: Dr. Green. How are you?

Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.

Ross: Thank you, for teaching me a valuable lesson.

Dr. Green: Nice hair. What'd you do? Swim here?

Ross: Ok, that's it, I can't take it anymore.

Rachel: What? What? He's interested in you. He he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.

Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie it's hopeless, ok, I'm just gonna go. What? !

Ross: Look, look I'm sorry. It's just that...

Dr. Green: Ross? What's with the neck?

Rachel: He's got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...

Dr. Green: You're still going to that chiropractor, that man couldn't get into medical school in Ixtapa!

Ross: Thank you! That's what I keep saying.

Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor. Uh.

Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?

Rachel: Well that's his last name. And his first name.

Dr. Green: He's Bobby Bobby?

Rachel: It's Robert Bobby. Dr. Green: Oh.

Rachel: And um, excuse me, he helps me.

Ross: Oh ho please. Ask her how? What'd you need help for?

Rachel: With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other. Oh, my God!

Ross: Argue with that.

Rachel: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.

Dr. Green: Come on! You're just tilting! Her legs are fine! I know that!

Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for? I'm sorry, let her?

Ross: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about about renter's insurance either.

Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance? ! No.

Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other? !

Ross: Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice? I'd love some juice. Thanks.

Ross: Ok. Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?

Rachel: Yeah honey, I'm standing right there! Why didn't you just tell himabout the mole I haven't got checked yet.

Ross: Excellent!

Joey: There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor.

I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And I'm ashamed to say that, I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually.

Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him.

Now, he's got a two year contract opposite Susan Lucci, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me, I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on television.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you.

Jester: Uh, may I help you?

Monica: Yeah, hi. I talked to you on the phone, I'm the lady that got stuck with the racecar bed.

Jester: Look, it's like I told you, there's nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.

Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.

Jester: Nobody sees the king!

Joey: Oh ho kay, I'm talking to the king.

Jester: Hey! You can't go back there!

Janice: Oh my God.

Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom!

Hey hey good looking!

Varrrrrrrrroom. All right, I'll leave. My bed's so boring.