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They are not. They are, too.
他们不一样。就一样。
Your hypothesis is completely disconfirmed by all the data.
种种数据显示 你的假设完全不能成立
You're just clinging to it out of intellectual stubbornness.
现在纯粹是你的智商在死鸭子嘴硬
No, you're displaying a shocking ignorance of the subject matter.
是你正表现出对谈话主题的高度无知
Mummies and zombies are the exact same thing. Oh, yeah?
木乃伊与僵尸是一模一样的东西。是吗？
Mummies are wrapped in bandages.
木乃伊全身裹着绷带呢
That's called a fashion choice.
那是人家的时尚风格
All right, you brought this on yourself. Sheldon, get him.
好吧，是你自己自讨苦吃。谢尔顿，说死丫的。
If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie.
如果你被僵尸咬了你也会变为僵尸
However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite.
但如果是木乃伊咬你你只会变成有木乃伊咬痕的白痴
So, like a zombie, that's been eaten from the waist down, you, sir, have no leg to stand on.
所以你就像是个被人啃掉下半身的僵尸一样说的话完全"站不住脚"
Good boy. Here's a cookie. Oh, thank you.
真乖，赏你个饼干。谢谢
Hey, fellas, what's going on? Mummies and zombies again.
大家伙在干嘛呢？又在辩木乃伊跟僵尸呢。
Oh, they're not the same thing. You get a cookie, too. Thanks.
他们不一样好吗？也赏你个饼干。谢谢
Guess who picked up his new car this morning? Congratulations.
你们猜谁今早弄了台新车？恭喜你啊
Does it have that new car smell? Yep! For as long as I can keep my mother out of it.
里面有新车味吗？有的。只要不让我妈上车就有
If you want to check it out later, it's parked right out front, space 294. I'm sorry 294?
你们想看一下的话，就停在外面哦。294号位。等等，294号位吗？
Yeah. That's my parking spot. Why do you have a parking spot?
是的，那是我的停车位。你怎么会有个停车位
You don't have a car. You don't even drive. It doesn't matter. That's my spot.
你都没车你连车都不开。那无关紧要。那停车位是我的
Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
可能是看你从不停车 就重分配给人了吧
Well, I'm not using my nipples, either.Maybe they should reassign those.
我也从不用我的乳头啊，他们也要帮我重分配吗
Sheldon, someday, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
谢尔顿，哪天你买车了，他们肯定还会再给你个停车位的。
I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. It's perfect.
我不要别的停车位，我要我那个停车位。那可是完美车位
It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of doordings in half.
那车位是在角落，车门被旁车门撞凹的机率少了一半
It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance.
而走到楼入口处也只需仅仅28步
The nearby tree provides shade on hot days and is also home to a delightful squirrel.
旁边的树能在热天提供遮阴而且那树还是一只可爱小松鼠的家
Which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks. Fun story.
这很难得呢毕竟大多数的松鼠都是讨厌鬼。故事虽好
Meanwhile, you still don't have a car.
但你就是没车啊
Don't try to change the subject.
别想转移话题
This is about a parking space.
我们是在谈停车位
It has nothing to do with cars.
跟有没有车毫无关系
Are you listening to yourself?
你有听到你自己说的话了吗
I always listen to myself.
我当然都有听啊
It's one of the great joys of my life.
这是我人生中最美好的事之一呢
Now, get your car out of my spot. Nope. Very well.
快把你的车开离我的宝位。不要。你不仁
You leave me no choice. What are you looking at, you stupid squirrel?
那就别怪我不义了。看个屁啊，你个白痴松鼠
President Siebert, listen to reason.
塞伯特校长 请听我的理由
Yeah, I understand I don't use the parking spot, but that's not the point. I...
我知道我没有在使用那个停车位，但这不是重点我...
Yes, I'm aware you told me not to call you at home. But you didn't answer the door!
我知道你说过别打去你家。但这是因为你不应门啊
And I know you were there, because I saw you through the mail slot.
我知道你在家我当时从信件投递口看到你在里面了
Well, that's some salty language.
你这话够掉身份啊
May I remind you that you're the president of a major university, not the president of the Potty Mouth Club.
您别忘了您重点大学校长的身份啊而不是个脏话俱乐部的主席
There it is again. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
你又说。你也是用那张嘴亲你母亲的吗？
Oh, well, I'm sorry for your loss. Oh...! Good night, sir. Unbelievable.
好吧，请节哀顺变。晚安。太扯了
He says Wolowitz deserves my spot because he's a highprofile asset to the university.
他说我的停车位给沃罗威茨不为过因为他是学校的重要资产
Well, he's not wrong. Howard did go to the International Space Station.
他也没说错啊，霍华德好歹也上过国际太空站了
Yeah, that was five weeks ago.
那都是五周前的事了
How much longer is he gonna milk that cow? Sheldon, let it go. It's not a big deal.
他还想靠那件事占便宜多久啊？算了啦，谢尔顿。也不是什么大事
No, no, this is a slippery slope, Leonard.
莱纳德 不反抗只会令他更予取予求
It starts with a parking space. Where does it end?
先是占了我停车位。食髓知味了以后呢？
It's like my dad always said, "First they say you can't drink and drive.
就像我爸说过的一样"一开始只说不能酒后开车
Next thing you know, you can't let your 10yearold take the wheel while you sleep one off in the backseat."
才刚同意就立刻再进一步说不许让10岁儿子开车，而自己去后座睡觉"。
All that story does is make me feel bad for your mother.
你这故事只让我更心疼你妈
Leonard, you're my best friend. Why don't you ever take my side?
莱纳德，你是我最好的朋友。为什么你从不跟我同一阵线？
Because I can never understand your side! Give it back.
因为我从没懂过你那阵线！还我
I'm sorry, but could you be more specific? My Iron Man helmet.
很抱歉您是指...我的钢铁侠头盔
Koothrappali saw you take it. Give it back. Oh, that.
库萨帕里看见你拿了。还回来。哦，那个啊
Well, see, I wanted it, and you weren't using it.
听我说，这东西我想要你又不用。我就拿了
Apparently, those are the rules we live by now. Payback
我们现在生活规则好像是这样哦。报复
it truly is the B word, isn't it?
还真是让人想骂脏话 不是吗
Sheldon, that is a $500 limited edition collectible, and I want it back.
谢尔顿 那可是价值500美元的限量珍藏品快还给我
I'd love to help you out, but unfortunately, I'm using it. Fine.
我也想还给你，但很遗憾的是我在用呢。好吧
I'm taking your diploma. Go ahead.
那我把你的学位证拿走，尽管拿
That's the only doctorate you'll ever get.
你这辈子唯一"拿到"博士学位的机会哦
It smells funny in here. We're so proud of you, Amy.
里面闻起来怪怪的，我们真以你为傲，艾米
Your first bikini wax. Yeah. So, how you doing?
你的初次比基尼蜜蜡脱毛呢。对啊，感觉如何
A little sensitive, but not bad. Does it always take that long?
有点小敏感，但还好。一般都需要这么长时间的吗？
Uh, no, they usually don't have to go out and get more wax.
不 他们一般不需要跑去多拿点蜜蜡
I feel like I'm five pounds lighter.
除完我感觉都轻了5磅
Really? Only five? Hey, anybody want a drink? Okay. Sure.
真的吗？你确定只有5磅吗？谁想来一杯。好的，当然。
So, did you spend last night hearing about this silly parking space fight, too? For hours.
你昨晚是不是也得听他抱怨那场白痴的停车位大战，抱怨了好几小时
Fortunately, I couldn't understand most of it'cause Sheldon was wearing that stupid robot mask.
幸好，因为谢尔顿戴着那个白痴面具他说的话我大部分都听不懂
Howard was so angry I had to mash up Benadryl in his ice cream to get him to fall asleep.
霍华德气得要死我不得不把过敏药混在他的冰淇淋里（Benadryl是儿童抗过敏药一般小朋友吃了都会想睡觉）才能让他消停睡觉
I guess this is what we get for being with two testosteronefueled alpha males.
我猜这就是我们跟两个荷尔蒙爆棚的雄性霸主在一起的后果
At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
一山不容二虎他们总有一天得角斗分生死
I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at ComicCon?
我猜你说的"角"是他们从动漫展买的什么号"角"之类吧？
I'm really sorry they took Sheldon's spot away.
我很抱歉学校收回谢尔顿的车位
He shouldn't have to suffer just because Howard's such a big deal now.
他不该因为霍华德现在是个大咖 而蒙受苦难啊
I know, Sheldon should just let Howard have his little moment in the sun.
是啊，谢尔顿应该大度点也让霍华德有一次受瞩目的短暂机会
What's that supposed to mean?
你这话什么意思
Well, Howard's never gonna go to space again, but Sheldon will always be a genius. You're right.
霍华德这辈子不会再上太空了但谢尔顿一辈子都会是个天才。有道理
And I'm sure Sheldon will get a fancy parking spot again, if and when he makes a worthwhile contribution to science.
谢尔顿肯定有机会重获个好车位啊假设他哪天真对科学做了有价值的贡献就行
If and when? Okay, maybe we should change the subject.
假设与哪天吗？好了 或许我们该换个话题
Amy, how are your lady parts? Still chilly down there? Hang on.
艾米，你"小妹妹"那里感觉如何？还凉飕飕的吗？打住
None of Sheldon's theories have ever been definitively proven.
谢尔顿所有的理论都未获得最终证实
My husband actually went to outer space.
而我的老公可是真正上过太空
That's an impressive accomplishment.
那的确是一项令人赞叹的成就
He's now an inspiration to millions of Americans who know you don't have to be special or even qualified to go into space.
他现在成功鼓舞了百万美国人就算你不特别，甚至不够格也都可以登上外太空
You know, I remember the first time I got a bikini wax.
我还记得我第一次尝试比基尼脱毛
My sister did it with melted Crayolas and duct tape.
我姐姐是用熔化的蜡笔和胶带帮我
It's a bad idea... Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility.
那主意蠢透了...天啊，艾米我感觉到了一丝敌意啊
Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical? Damn.
是不是因为，你们的性生活跟谢尔顿的研究一样纯属"理论"啊，毒啊
Yeah, well, at least when we do make love, Sheldon won't be thinking about his mother.
是啊，至少等我们开搞了后谢尔顿脑子里不会想着他妈妈
And yes, that is a cleverly veiled reference to Howard's lifelong obsession to crawl back into her spacious womb.
没错，我就是在明嘲暗讽霍华德他这辈子痴迷着想爬回他妈宽敞无比的子宫的心里
Anyway, to this day, I still can't see a box of crayons without crossing my legs.
时至今日，我一看见蜡笔还是会吓得赶紧夹紧双腿
I don't have to take this. I'm gonna go home and have sex with my husband right now.
我没必要听你冷嘲热讽，老娘现在就回家跟我的老公做爱
Maybe I'll let him do it to me in the parking spot.
可能还让他干我"停车位"呢
Which sounds dirty, but I didn't mean it that way!
虽然听起来很淫荡 但我不是那个意思
Okay, here's another one
好吧 另外一个问题
If a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie?
如果僵尸咬了吸血鬼，然后吸血鬼咬了人类那那个人类会变成吸血鬼，还是僵尸
Or a zompire? Sheldon? Cookie. I don't have any.
或是僵血鬼？谢尔顿？饼干拿来，我没有
Well, I'm not giving it away. Hi, Sheldon. He's in my spot.
我才不无偿帮你，你好呀，谢尔顿。他坐在我的专位上
Leonard, make him stop being naked in my spot.
莱纳德 让他别裸体坐在我的专位上
Howard, what are you doing? He wasn't using it.
霍华德，你这是干嘛？他又没在坐
And I needed a nice cool piece of leather to wiggle my naked ass on.
而我刚好需要一块冰凉的皮革来摩擦我的光屁屁
Get off there. Give me back my Iron Man helmet.
快滚开。把我的钢铁侠头盔还给我
Give me back my parking space.
把我的停车位还给我
You don't need a parking space. You don't have a car.
你又不需要停车位，你连车都没有
You don't need an Iron Man helmet. You're not Iron Man.
你又不需要钢铁侠头盔，你又不是钢铁侠
Well, we appear to have reached an impasse.
看来我们陷入僵局了
And you know, I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
不过我得说我原以为把你笔记本放我的大雕上你会更生气呢
I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.
我刚还没发现这招不赖啊。霍华德·沃罗威茨
