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Oh, hey, we ran into your mom at Benihana last night.
我们昨晚在铁板烧店碰见你妈妈了。
Uh, yeah, she loves that place. Every time they flip a shrimp in the air, she practically leaps out of her seat to catch it. That's why I don't take her to the Seaworld.
是啊，她超爱去那里。每次大厨把大虾翻炒到空中时，她会一个飞扑上去叼住。所以我从不带她去海洋公园(喂海豚）。
I know you don't want to hear it, but she was there with Stuart.
我知道你不想听到这事，但是她是跟斯图尔特一起去的。
That's fine. I don't care.
随便啊，我又无所谓。
It doesn't bug you when they go out on dates?
他们出去约会你不会不爽吗？
They're not dating. They're just two friends who went out to dinner.
他们不是约会，只是两个朋友一起出去吃饭。
And then went back to the home they share where they probably fell asleep in the matching pajamas she got them because they both just love penguins.
吃完一起回他们共住的房子，没准睡觉时两人还穿着你妈妈买的情侣睡衣，因为他们俩都喜欢企鹅。
Hey, lots of people wear matching pajamas who aren't dating.
很多不是情侣的人也穿着情侣睡衣啊。
Like who? Like you and your dog.
比如说？你和你的狗。
Don't rule out the dating.
话别说太早哦。
Fine, it bothers me. You happy?
行，我心里超不爽。你们高兴了吧？
You think you've got problems.
你这问题算什么啊。
The gibbon is the only member of the ape family not classified as a great ape.
长臂猿是人猿总科中唯一不是大猿的猿类。
How is this helpful?
你这话对我有啥帮助？
All the non-human apes are classified as great apes except one.
所有非人类的猩猩全都归在人猿总科下的人科里。
That means taxonomists created the entire category of lesser ape just to single out the poor gibbon as the weird kid on the playground.
这就表示，分类学家创造了小猿这个分类来孤立可怜的长臂猿。他就像操场上被排挤的小孩。
Now there's a hairy little fellow with a genuine beef.
这些毛茸茸的小伙心中才是真不爽呢。
But the gibbon doesn't know what it's categorized as. It doesn't even know it's called a gibbon.
但是长臂猿们不知道自己被分类成什么。它们都不知道自己叫长臂猿。
True. Sorry, kid, you've got it worse than a gibbon.
这倒是。抱歉，兄台，你比长臂猿还惨。
Hi. Hey. We brought snacks for movie night.
嗨。嘿。电影之夜我们带零食来了。
Oh, great. I don't suppose you also brought napkins, clean bowls, utensils and a roll of toilet paper. Right here.
太好了。你们不会顺便还带了餐巾纸、干净的碗、餐具，外加一卷厕纸吧。还真带了。
You guys are the best. What's with the clothes?
你们最好了。这些衣服是怎么回事？
Well, with all the new stuff I bought for work, I needed to make room in my closet.
我为了工作买了不少职业装，衣橱得清出一些空位啊。
I meant why are they folded? But whatever. Ooh, what's this?
我是问这次衣服怎么是叠好的。不过随便吧。这件是干嘛的？
That, believe it or not, is my prom dress.
说了怕你们不信，那是我当年的毕业舞会裙。
Wow, you still have it? I just assumed it was balled up in the corner of a barn somewhere.
你还留着啊？我还以为会急忙中被揉成一团，丢到谷仓的某个角落去了。
What kind of teenager did you think I was? Slutty. Easy.
你把我当年想成是哪种人了啊？淫荡。风骚。
The word is "popular." How was your prom? Did you go?
那是叫"受欢迎"好吗。你当年的舞会如何？你去了吗？
No, but I was on clean-up crew. Aw, that's sad.
没，但我去打扫了。太可怜了。
No, it was okay. The DJ let me dance one slow song with my mop before he shut down. Whenever I see a bucket of dirty water, I still hear "Lady in Red."
不会，其实也还行。DJ在收工前，让我与我的拖把共舞了一曲慢歌。每当我看到一桶脏水，耳边还会响起那曲《红衣女郎》。
My prom was pretty terrible, too. I was so excited about my date, but it turned out he only asked me 'cause he liked my friend. He spent the whole night talking about her.
我当年的舞会也挺糟糕。当时我超兴奋那个男生来约我，结果发现他是为了泡我朋友所以才来约我。他一整个晚上都在聊我的朋友。
Okay, we get it, you had a friend and a date. Stop bragging.
行行行，你有朋友又有人约。不要显摆啦。
Doesn't matter. Prom is silly anyways.
无所谓啦。毕业舞会蠢爆了。
Easy for you to say; you probably went with the captain of the football team.
你说当然容易，你当年估计是跟橄榄球队队长一起去的。
No. I just made out with him a little while his date was puking.
才不是。我只是趁他的舞伴喝吐时偷偷跟他亲热了一番。
My date would've had to clean that up.
那呕吐物就会是我的舞伴拖把来清理。
Ooh, I have an idea. Maybe we can have, like, a prom do-over.
喂，我有个主意。我们可以来一个二次舞会啊。
Oh, that would be so much fun. We could decorate the roof and make the guys wear tuxedos.
那应该会很好玩吧。我们可以布置一下屋顶，让他们穿晚礼服。
Ooh, and get our hair done, and slow-dance.
我们也去弄好头发，然后与他们跳慢舞。
Okay, guys, trust me, as someone who's been to, like, seven proms, it is never as good as you want it to be.
两位，相信我。作为去过大概有七场毕业舞会的人，舞会永远不会如你们想象中那般美好。
You went to seven proms?
你去了七场舞会吗？
Yeah, let's see. Uh, four "Under the Seas," Two "Enchanted Evenings," and one "Night to Remember" that...I cannot remember for the life of me.
对，我想想。四场"深海主题" 、两场"魔法奇缘"、一场"难忘之夜"。那一夜我可是喝到一点都记不得。
Hey. Hey. Hey, where's Bernadette?
嘿。嘿。嘿，伯纳黛特呢？
She and Amy are out dress shopping for their prom thing.
她跟艾米出去买舞会的礼服了。
Oh, yeah, I got that Evite. Ever since I saw Pretty in Pink, I've wanted to go to an American prom.
我有收到电邮邀请。我看完《红粉佳人》后我也好想参加美国人的毕业舞会。
But then I saw Carrie, and I did not want to go to an American prom.
但看完《魔女嘉丽》，我又一点都不想参加美国的毕业舞会了。
But then I saw Never Been Kissed, and I'm back on the prom bandwagon. This prom thing's been a real roller coaster.
但我又看了《一吻定江山》，我又重新想参加毕业舞会了。毕业舞会这事真让我的心大起大落啊。
Bernie's really excited. I I could tell because her voice got so high, the beagle next door started howling.
妮妮很兴奋呢。我知道她兴奋是因为她声音变超尖，隔壁的狗听到都开始狗嚎了。
Did you go to your prom?
你有去毕业舞会吗？
No. I had a date with a proper education. Instead of a tuxedo, I dressed myself in good habits.
没。因为我与当个好学生有个约会。比起一身燕尾服，我养成一身好习惯。
Instead of spiked punch, I enjoyed the intoxicating flavor of knowledge.
比起掺了烈酒的潘趣酒，我更喜欢知识醉人的味道。
Instead of dancing in a gym, I shook my booty to the seductive rhythms...Okay, okay. ...of AP Calculus.
比起在体育馆里跳舞，我更愿意随着AP微积分诱人的节奏...够了够了。...抖屁股。
How come you're not shopping with Amy and Bernadette?
你怎么没有跟艾米和伯纳黛特一起去采购呢？
Let me guess, you think the whole idea is lame?
我来猜猜，你觉得这个舞会主意烂爆了？
Well, who cares what I think? What do you think?
不要管我怎么想，你觉得如何？
Hmm, to be honest, it's kind of a dream come true to go to even a fake prom with a woman as beautiful as you.
老实说，即使这是个假的毕业舞会，但能有你这么美的舞伴，也算是美梦成真吧。
Ugh, thanks a lot. What?
真是谢谢了。怎么了？
Well, now I can't blow this thing off without being a bitch. That sounds like a "Yes"!
要是我说不想参加，不就成了坏女人了吗。所以说她答应了！
Ooh, every single person RSVP'd "Yes." This is so exciting! Isn't this exciting?
每一位受邀的人都回复说参加。真是太让人激动了！你说是不是呀？
Yep. Look, even Stuart's bringing a date. I wonder who it is.
是。就连斯尔图特都要带舞伴来。真好奇那人是谁。
You know exactly who it is. He's gonna bring my mom. Why did you even invite him?
你明明知道那人是谁。我妈就是他的舞伴。你干嘛要邀请他啊？
Because he's our friend, and you two need to get along. And why can't he take your mom? You took her to your prom.
因为他是我们的朋友，你们俩必须和睦相处。再说了，他为什么不能带你妈来？你毕业舞会的时候不也带了吗。
I didn't "Take" her; she was a chaperone.
我没有"带"她去，她是去"监护"我。
I saw a picture of you two dancing together.
我见过一张你们一起跳舞的照片。
W What was I gonna do? They were playing our song! I can't take this anymore.
不能怪我，当时在播我们爱的主打歌！我受不了了。
Hello. Stuart, we have to talk. This thing with you and my mom, I I hate it.
你好。斯尔图特，我们得谈谈。你跟我妈那点事儿让我超不爽。
It's making me crazy. You and I were friends for years, and now you're bringing my mother to a party I'm going to? ! What the hell? !
都快把我逼疯了。你我是多年的朋友了，如今你却要带我妈去参加我也在场的舞会。太离谱了吧？！
I'm not bringing your mother, I have a date.
我没有要带你妈去啊，我有其他舞伴。
Oh, so now you're cheating on my mother?
所以你现在是背着我妈偷吃吗？
Wha What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on with me and your mother.
你在胡说什么呀？我和你妈之前完全不存在任何逾越之举。
Stewie, your bath is getting cold! I got to go, bye.
图仔，你的洗澡水要凉了哦！我得挂了，再见。
Penny? Penny. Penny. Penny. Penny. You knocked more than usual.
佩妮？佩妮。佩妮。佩妮。佩妮。今天敲门的次数比平时多呀。
Next time I might be in a rush, it's good to have a few in the bank.
下次我可能有急事，先多敲两下存着吧。
Okay, what's up?
找我干嘛？
I'd like to discuss this party that Amy and Bernadette are throwing. Since you and I are both reluctant to go, I think I've come up with a perfect way for us to enjoy it.
我想跟你讨论下艾米和伯纳黛特举办的这个舞会。既然我和你都不想参加，我想到了一个让我们乐在其中的完美方法。
Great, how? We pretend we're aliens.
好呀，怎么做？我们假装成外星人。
I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I'm gonna say that you love it and want to hear more.
我不擅长阅读面部表情，但我猜你很喜欢这主意，并想深入了解它。
Now, in the beloved novel Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, an alien named Ford Prefect pretended to be human in order to blend in
在受人喜爱的小说《银河系漫游指南》中，一位叫福特?派法特的外星人为了混进人类世界假扮人类，
so that he could write an entry about Earth for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is a travel book within the actual book, which is also called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
目的就是为替《银河系漫游指南》写一本地球指南。而这本旅游指南恰恰是一本真书的一部分。而那本真书名字就叫《银河系漫游指南》。
Okay, just one question. What?
我只有一个问题。你说什么？
My point is, pretending to be an alien is a valuable coping mechanism I've used many times. I did it the first time I went to see you in a play.
我的意思是，假装外星人是我使用过多次非常有用的应对机制。我第一次去看你演出时就用过。
You had no idea Commander Umfrumf of Ceti Alpha Three was in the audience. Oh, d-don't worry, he gave you seven thumbs up.
你根本不知道观众里有来自天囷星的指挥官。别担心，他竖起七根大拇指叫好哦。
Here's a question, as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
那么问题来了：作为假扮人类的外星人，你打算跟艾米遵循舞会后人类交配的惯例吗？
There are post-prom mating rituals?
舞会后还有交配的惯例吗？
Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
也不尽然啦。但如果你舞伴的货车上有充气床垫，那就是惯例啦。
Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
如果这是舞会体验的一部分，那我愿意接受。
You're kidding.
你开玩笑呢吧。
I may be an alien, but I have urges. If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin.
我或许是个外星人，但我也有冲动啊。如果艾米想交配，把卵子发射进太空，那好，我很乐意用我"上殖器"的生殖囊兜住它们。
I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
虽然我不擅长阅读面部表情，但我能看出你有点小性奋哦。
You know, if you're not gonna learn how to do this, they make some pretty good clip-ons.
如果你懒得学怎么系领结，有很多夹上去的领结也很漂亮。
Bruce Wayne doesn't wear a clip-on.
布鲁斯?韦恩才不用夹上去的领结。
Bruce Wayne doesn't make his roommate tie it for him.
布鲁斯 韦恩也不会让他的室友帮忙系啊。
His name is Alfred, and, yes, he does. There, perfect.
他的室友阿福，会帮他系领带啊。好了，完美。
What, are you sure? It's my first prom, I want to do it correctly.
你确定吗？这是我人生第一场毕业舞会，我可得按照规矩来。
I thought you were gonna pretend to be an alien.
我以为你要打破常规扮外星人呢。
I was, but Penny didn't want to. You didn't want to. Bernadette, Amy, Koothrappali and Wolowitz didn't want to. And even I knew it was weird to hire somebody.
我想来着，不过佩妮不想。你也不想。伯纳黛特，艾米，库萨帕里和沃罗威茨都不想。而连我都知道，请临演来会很怪。
Was that a flask?
那是酒壶吗？
Yes. I've decided to embrace all of the traditions associated with prom, including spiking the punch.
是的。我决定接受所有和舞会相关的传统，包括在潘趣酒里掺烈酒。
You're gonna put alcohol in the punch?
你要在潘趣酒里掺烈酒？
Oh, no, this is pomegranate juice. It's all the fun of high school high jinks with the cell-protecting zip of antioxidants.
才不，这是石榴汁。用保护细胞老化的抗氧化物，来玩高中生寻欢作乐的游戏。
If you had ripped jeans and a leather jacket, you'd be like the toughest kid on the Disney Channel. So, anything else planned for tonight?
如果你再穿上破烂的牛仔裤和皮夹克，你就可以当迪士尼儿童台中的校霸了。今晚还有什么安排吗？
Oh, everything. Getting our picture taken, slow-dancing, being elected prom king. Pointing out that kings aren't elected. It's gonna be off the hook.
舞会一切要做的事。跟大家照相 、慢舞、被选为舞会国王。再指正大家，国王不是民选的。到时候肯定爽翻天。
And while you're at it, I know that at this age your hormones are raging, but just because all your friends are having sex doesn't mean you have to.
既然你提起了，我知道在这个年龄你的荷尔蒙激增，虽然你的朋友们都在嘿咻，不见得你也非得去做。
Why would you say that?
你何出此言？
You know, 'cause...'cause a lot of people lose their virginity on prom night.
因为...很多人的初夜都是在毕业舞会上失去的。
Penny implied the same thing. Is this true?
佩妮也暗示过这个。是真的吗？
Just relax, it's a joke. You don't have hormones.
放轻松，我开玩笑的。你根本没有荷尔蒙。
