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Wake up!
快醒醒
Why can't I have a normal alarm clock?
为什么我就不能有个正常的闹钟呢
You have one. And these batteries never die.
你已经有我了，而且我永远不会没电
like you loved me before mm!
就像你从前那么爱我
this time I want you you should probably get ready,
你最好赶紧做准备
Or you're gonna be late for school.
要不然你上学就要迟到了
But I want to finish watching the Boyz II Men video.
但是我想把这个男孩男人组合的MV看完
this time instead just come to my bed
这次我想要你直接跳到我床上来
You know, your dad's the first white guy I ever dated.
你知道吗，你爸爸是第一个和我约会的白人
and, baby, just don't...
还有，宝贝，请不要
School's giving you a choice of activities
学校设置了几个第五节课的选修科目
For your fifth-period elective.
供你们选择
I chose piccolo.
我帮你选了短笛
Piccolo?! But I wanted leatherwork!
短笛，但是我想学皮具手工啊
I was gonna craft myself
我要精心打扮下自己
A pair of timbos or maybe a saddle.
做一双皮靴或者一个皮质的车座
No, you're learning piccolo.
别想了，你要去学短笛
Why?! Because I said so!
为什么，因为我说的算
Can I borrow some money?
可以借我点钱吗
There's a CD sale at Sam goody's.
山姆古迪商店在做唱片促销
Oh...
喔
Don't you get your allowance on Friday?
你不是到周五才能拿零花钱吗
Please, daddy?
拜托了，爸比
Anything for my little princess.
我的小公举要啥都可以
Okay.
好吧
Well, I at least need you to take out the garbage.
好吧，至少等你把这袋垃圾扔出去之后才行
Have a good day, boys.
祝你们今天过得愉快，孩子们
You're going to work, dad, not jail.
你是要去工作，老爸，又不是要去坐牢
I agree with Eddie. It's a little much.
我同意，你有点太矫情了
Uh, Evan? Where's Evan?
额，埃文呢，埃文在哪里
He started power-walking to school
他从今天开始和邻居的女士们
With the neighborhood ladies.
一起快走去上学
I'm thinking we go up high street this morning.
我想我们今天早上可以走到主干道去
Pain is weakness leaving the body, girls!
痛苦只是暂时的，姐妹们
They're just like
他们就像是
Little purple tennis balls."
小小的紫色网球一样
Anyway, that's how my mom tried to sell me on plums.
不管怎么样，我妈就是这么给我介绍李子的
Man, you had a weekend!
伙计，你至少还有个周末好吗
Oh, no. Here come the 8th graders.
哦，不，八年级的来了
Man!
伙计
Ugh!
啊
My cheese tool!
我的芝士小勺子
Hey, is it cool if I sit with you guys?
嘿，我能和你们一起坐吗
Yeah, sure! We got plenty of room.
好呀，当然，我们这儿位置多得是
Unh!
啊
Repeating 8th Grader sucks.
重读八年级真的很糟糕
All my friends are in high school,
我所有朋友都去高中了
And all the new 8th graders hate me.
而全部的新八年级生都恨死我了
Because I picked on them last year
因为去年他们还都是愚蠢的七年级生时
when they were all dumb 7th graders.
我也是这么欺负他们的
No offense.
不好意思冒犯了
None taken.
别在意
I'm sitting on the floor.
我还坐在地上的呢
And now I have to get tutored
我还要去度过漫长的
during my fifth-period elective.
第五节选修课
I feel you, girl.
我懂你的，小妞
For my elective, I have to take piccolo.
在我选修课上，我还要学短笛
Oh, like that puppet that becomes a real boy.
噢，就像那个最后变成真人的木偶吗
Yep.
没错
Sorry, Nicole. Won't happen again.
对不起，妮可，我下次不敢了
Are they... afraid of you?
他们是，怕了你吗
Those ding-wads?
这些小杂碎
They better be.
他们最好是这样
You clown jockeys looking at something?!
你们这些跳梁小丑看什么看
Hey, Jessica! What's going on?
嘿，杰西卡，你怎么样啊
Stephen King book club, remember?
史蒂芬·金读书会，还记得吗
"Pet Sematary"?
《宠物公墓》
I brought hush puppies we can bury in our mouths.
我还带了一些小狗点心待会可以埋进我们嘴巴里
I haven't even started it.
我都还没开始读呢
I've been going through these parenting guides,
我这几天一直在研究这些家长指南
Looking for some help with Nicole.
想看看有什么对妮可有帮助的
"Daughter, we're in this together."
《女儿，我们是一伙的》
But you're not even her real mother.
但是你都不是她的生母
You're her stepmother.
你是她的继母呀
All you have to do is day-drink and criticize her weight.
你要做的就是每天喝得烂醉顺带嘲讽一下她的体重
Marvin only sees her as daddy's little girl,
马文到现在还把她当做爹地的小棉袄
So I have to be the strict parent... mm.
所以我就要做那个唱黑脸的，嗯
...which I hate.
但是我讨厌这么做
Because we have made so much progress as friends.
因为我们之间的朋友关系才刚刚有了起色
Why are Americans so obsessed
为什么你们美国人总是
With being friends with their children?
这么想和孩子们做朋友呢
I have no children friends.
我从来没有把孩子当朋友
Okay, sure, but don't—look, your job isn't to be buddy-buddy.
好吧，确实是，但是，听着，你的工作不是和孩子们称兄道弟
It's to do what's best for Nicole,
而是要做一切为了她好的事情
Even if she doesn't like it.
就算她不喜欢你的方式
Do you play chess?
你会下棋吗
No.
不会
Oh, but Marvin and I did meet playing twister.
噢，但是我和马文倒是在玩格子扭扭乐的时候认识的
Okay, so, in chess,
好吧，所以，下棋的时候
You have to think several moves ahead.
你要未雨绸缪
Like how Eddie doesn't want to learn piccolo
就像埃迪就算再怎么不喜欢短笛
But I'm making him because 2,000 marching-band scholarships
但我还是要逼他去学，因为在大学，每年都有两千块钱的
Go unclaimed every year at colleges!
行进乐队奖学金无人认领
That may work with Eddie, but Nicole's a teenager now,
这对埃迪可能有效，但是妮可现在是青少年了
So I can't just force her to do what I want.
所以我不能按照我的想法去逼她
Horse dumplings! Of course you can!
别这么包子，你当然可以
Children are never too old to be controlled!
掌控你的孩子什么时候都不迟
It's just like chess.
就像象棋一样
Children are the pawns, and you are the queen.
孩子们是小兵小卒，而你就是女王
And as the queen,
而作为女王
You control all the other pieces on the board.
你还掌握棋盘上的所有棋子
Then the king just stands around
而国王只需要站在旁边
And takes credit for your work.
把你的功劳占为己有
Standing, shorts.
站得笔直，穿着短裤
I could do this all day.
这可以让我玩一整天
Ah, would you look at that, huh?
啊，你看到那些小孩了吗，哈
That's what I see every time I look at Nicole.
我每次看到妮可都是这种感觉
No matter how old she gets,
不管她有多大了
She'll always be daddy's little girl.
她永远是我的贴心小棉袄
Must be nice.
太棒了
She probably still hugs you.
她是不是还抱你啊
Every day.
每天都抱
I'll tell you,
我跟你说
There's something magical about having a girl.
有个女儿的感觉很奇妙
I have always wondered what it would be like.
我一直都想知道那是什么样的感觉
forever and ever
永远，永远
I love you so
永远这么爱着你
forever and ever
永远，永远
want to let you know
我想让你知道
just what you mean to me
你对我的意义
and all your charms
还有你迷人的魅力
you've got that magic touch
你有一种魔力
a magic smile
连微笑都这么美丽
Just because she's married
她嫁人了不代表
doesn't mean she can get fat.
她就能随便长胖
So magical.
多奇妙啊
I can't believe I've got to go to tutoring.
真不敢相信我一定得去补课
At least you don't have to go to piccolo.
至少你不用去学笛子
Why do I have to learn instruments?
我为什么非得学乐器呢
I am an instrument.
我本身就是乐器
That's all I have so far.
我也就只会这点儿
Afternoon, Nicole.
中午好，妮可
Ooh, this must be your tutor.
呀，这是你的家教吧
Normally, the older students tutor the younger ones,
通常都是高年级学生辅导低年级的
But you're obviously the exception.
不过看来你是个例外
My wife's Asian, so I get it.
我妻子是亚洲人，所以我懂的
Tutor?! No, I—yes!
家教，不，我... 是的
Uh, Eddie's my tutor. Just one second.
埃迪就是我的家教，您稍等一会儿
Tutor?! I can't teach!
家教，我可不会教书
I can educate Sucka Mcs, but that's not the same!
我是能教饶舌音乐，但这是两码事啊
No, listen, I-it'll be awesome.
不是的，你听着，这简直太棒了
This way, you and me can just hang out all period
这样的话，补课的时间我们可以想干嘛就干嘛
And, like, listen to music and stuff.
比如说，听听歌什么的
Yeah.
是啊
That could be dope.
这太棒了
And this way, I can get out of piccolo!
而且这样的话，我就不用去学笛子了
My mom will love that I'm tutoring.
我说我去辅导同学的话我妈会高兴死了
How can you not love tutoring?!
你怎么就不觉得做家教是好事儿呢
Because it's one step away from teacher,
因为下一步就是当老师
Which is one missed paycheck away
那收入差不多跟流浪汉一样
From homeless man with dirty dog and socks for gloves.
后边儿再跟着条脏狗，袜子能当手套戴
That doesn't even make any sense.
这根本就是胡说
It doesn't have to make sense. You know why?
不用讲什么道理，你知道为什么吗
Because you said so!
因为是你说的
You better not be going into the kitchen to eat ravioli!
你最好不是去厨房偷吃饺子的
Hey, sweetie! No!
嗨，亲爱的，不行
But you don't even know what I'm asking.
你都还不知道我要说什么呢
You called me "Sweetie,"
你叫我“亲爱的”
So you probably want something extravagant
所以无非就是想买什么奢侈的东西
Like a boat or a new party shirt.
比如一艘船或者派对装什么的
Let's have another baby -- a girl one!
我们再要个孩子吧，生个女儿
Are you crazy?! Shop is closed!
你疯了吗，本店早就不经营这业务了
A daughter?
生个女儿
I have horrible news.
我有坏消息要告诉你
Grandma finally caught that bird?
奶奶终于还是抓到那只鸟了吗
Worse. Dad wants a daughter.
比那更糟，咱爸想要个女儿
That is worse.
确实是个坏消息
If we get a sister, she'll take over our room.
要是再来个妹妹，她会霸占我们这间屋子的
We'd have to move in with Eddie.
我们就得搬去跟埃迪住了
But only until he goes to college.
而且还得等他上大学之后才行
Eddie in college?! It just came out!
埃迪上大学？就这么脱口而出了
It just came out!
随口就这么说出来了
Jessica, I did it!
杰西卡，我做到了
Aah! Whoo! You did what?
噢，哇哦，你做到什么了
Oh, Nicole asked me for money.
妮可跟我要钱来着
And I didn't give her any!
我一分都没给
Good, because you are the queen.
很好，因为你才是家里的皇太后
You tell her "No."
你当然可以说“不”
Uh, well...
额，那什么
Honey! Where's your purse?!
亲爱的，你钱包在哪儿呢
Can't hear you! I'm in the shower!
我听不到你说什么，我在洗澡呢
I'm working up to "No."
离说“不”不远了
But I didn't give her any money.
不过我真是一毛钱都没给她
Okay, well, it's a start.
行吧，这算是个不错的开始
I give you a c-minus.
给你个中评
Learning to be a good parent takes time.
学当好爹妈得慢慢来
Speaking of learning,
说到学习
Nicole says Eddie is a fantastic tutor.
妮可说埃迪教得特别好
Eddie who?
哪个埃迪
Jessica! You joke machine!
杰西卡，你又开玩笑了
Your son has been tutoring her every day this week.
这星期你儿子天天都在辅导她呢
Another master chess move by you.
你下的又一手好棋
Getting Eddie to study more...
让埃迪更努力学习
You really are the queen.
你才是真正的皇太后
You're still tutoring?! I told you to stop!
你还在做家教呢，我说过到此为止
Wait, how did you know?!
等等，你怎么知道
I know everything!
我什么都知道
You're taking piccolo!
你必须得去学笛子
You're going to ride that metal mouth tube
必须得征服你的金笛子
All the way to money town!
让它把你带到钱堆里去
No!
不要
What did you just say?
你说什么
I said "No."
我说，不
Tutoring is the one chance I get
辅导她功课是我唯一可以跟她
To hang out with Nicole alone.
单独在一起的机会
I'm not switching.
我才不会放弃的
Yes, you are.
不，你会的
I will call the school and have them switch you.
我要给学校打电话让他们把你换了
Even if you switch me,
哪怕你把我换掉了
You can't physically force me to play it.
你也没法硬逼着我去吹笛子
I will tape it to your mouth.
我会把笛子直接塞你嘴里
I will breathe through my nose.
那我就用鼻子喘气
Your move, mom.
到你走下一步棋了，老妈
I can't believe Eddie defied me like that! Hmm.
我简直不敢相信埃迪居然像那样违抗我
You know who wouldn't have disrespected you like that?
你知道谁最不会不尊重你吗
A girl.
一个女儿
The closest I ever came to defying my mother
我最近一次违抗我妈
Was when I wanted to pick out my own shoes!
就只是为了自己挑双鞋
You know whose shoes you could pick out?
你知道你能给谁挑鞋子吗
A baby girl's.
一个小女孩儿
Cowboy boots or...
马靴，或者...
Maybe I was too aggressive in my opening gambit.
也许我一开始说的太过了
...one with a buckle and a strap.
有扣带的那种
Oh, uh, Mary Janes. Going at him made him defensive.
噢噢，玛丽珍鞋，说的太过了所以逼的他叛逆了
That's what they're called.
他们是这么叫的
So cute. I need to fall back.
特别可爱，我需要柔和一点
On a girl... I need to outmaneuver him.
穿在小女孩脚上，我得以智取胜
...which we could create...
而且是我们自己的小女儿
make Eddie think he chose the piccolo.
让他自己主动去学笛子
...in under one minute. Huh?
一分钟都不要，什么
What?
什么
Your father does not want another baby, Evan.
你爸才不想要其他小孩儿呢，埃文
He seems pretty serious about it.
我觉得他不像开玩笑的
Trust me, he just thinks he does.
相信我，他只是觉得自己想要而已
Mm. I'm sure it's hormones.
嗯，我肯定是荷尔蒙的原因
It's probably just his time of the month... mm.
很可能是有到了每个月的那几天，嗯
...you know, when the mortgage is due. Mm-hmm.
你知道的，又到还贷款的时候了，嗯
Just get him a puppy
给他找个小狗
Something small and cute he can take care of.
娇小可爱的，能让他照顾的东西
That's all he really wants. Mm-hmm.
这就是他想要的
Yeah, Richard brought up the baby talk last spring.
是的，理查德春天的时候也说过想要个小孩
I just bought him a drill.
我就给他买了个钻孔机
So, you must be Eddie's mother, or "Mu-chin," Yes?
所以，你一定是埃迪的妈妈，或者说，母亲吧
My wife's from Asia, so, I, uh...
我的妻子也是亚洲人，所以，我，呃
I would like you to give Eddie more tutoring students, please.
我希望你让埃迪辅导更多的学生，可以吗
Ah, you see, one-on-one instruction
啊，你看吧，一对一的指导
Is, uh, very much at the core of the tutoring process,
是辅导过程的核心所在
So while I'm sure Eddie excels in all subjects
所以，虽然我确定埃迪在各个科目都很优秀
A-a-and likely a stringed instrument
可能包括弦乐器
My wife plays viola
我妻子会弹中提琴
Uh, I just can't assign him more than one student.
呃，我不能再给他分配更多的学生了
Oh, of course. I understand your rule...
哦，当然，我懂您的规定
Yes.
那就好
...for white students.
给白人学生的规定
I'm listening.
什么意思
As the husband of an Asian wife,
作为一位亚洲人的丈夫
I'm sure you're familiar with the tale of zong dingbo.
您肯定对于宗定伯卖鬼的故事很熟悉吧
Oh, yeah. Zong din—yes.
哦，是的，宗定，当然
Asking Eddie to tutor only one student
只让埃迪辅导一名学生
Is wasting his potential.
是浪费了他的天赋
It would be like asking zong dingbo
就像是让宗定伯
To carry the ghost only halfway into the town.
扛着鬼只走了半截路
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah.
哦，是啊，是的，不，我懂你的意思了，是，是的
Yeah. You'll fix it!
对吧，你得办好这件事
I will. Yes.
是的，我会的
You know, you and my wife should grab lunch. No.
你知道吗，你和我妻子应该找机会一起吃个饭，不用了
No.
好吧
When did you start wearing glasses?
你什么时候开始戴眼镜了
3rd grade, but I never felt safe enough
三年级的时候，但是我直到现在才开始
To wear them at school until now.
觉得在学校戴眼镜是安全的
When the details come into focus,
因为，当我看清楚许多细节后
Some of us are less attractive than I thought.
我们当中的有些人没我想象中的那么迷人了
His name is captain fuzz.
他叫绒绒队长
He's a pilot for continental airlines.
他是大陆航空公司的飞行员
Eddie, check it out. I got the new Boyz II Men CD.
埃迪，看，我买到了男孩男人组合的新专辑
We can play it during tutoring
我们可以在辅导时听听
While I finish drawing on your hand.
一边听一边让我完成在你手上的画作
Word.
一言为定
Pizza today, lads.
今天吃披萨，筒子们
Are you wearing a skirt?
你是穿了条裙子吗
No. It's a kilt, like in "Braveheart."
不，这叫苏格兰短裙，像电影《勇敢的心》里一样
Dude, that's too far. You're gonna get us all killed.
伙计，太过火了，你会让我们都死无葬身之地的
Hey, Nicole.
嗨，妮可
I know you didn't just say hi to me and not my friends.
我知道你不是故意只和我打招呼的，还有我的朋友们呢
Uh, uh, uh, uh
呃，呃，呃，呃
"Uh, uh, uh."
呃，呃，呃
Bye!
再见
We're invincible.
我们无敌了
My boy's in a history dress!
我兄弟穿了一件古衣
You would look good in one of those.
你穿上也会很好看的
Probably.
或许吧
Yo, wrong classroom! I'm tutoring up in here!
哟，走错地儿了吧，我在这儿辅导呢
Oh, these are your new students.
哦，这些是你的新学生
But tutoring's supposed to be one-on-one.
但是辅导不是一对一的吗
Yes, but we both know
是啊，可我们都知道
You can handle more than one student.
你能应付更多的
Zong dingbo. Yeah?
宗定伯，对吧
Did he just have a stroke?
他是脑袋被门挤了吗
Hey, I don't know you. You're new. My dad's in the military.
嗨，我不认识你，你是新来的吧，我爸是部队的
We just got transferred here, but don't worry.
我们刚被分配到这儿，但是别担心
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
我是个情圣，不是战士
That's so funny.
好搞笑
That wasn't funny.
一点都不搞笑
"It's not a tumor!"
“那不是肿瘤”
That's—you're—you're killing me.
你要笑死我了
Oh, how was school today?
哦，今天学校里怎么样
Terrible. Tutoring sucks.
糟透了，课程辅导逊毙了
I'm never doing it again.
我再也不干了
Checkmate.
将军完胜
we belong together
我们属于彼此
Eddie, I called you for dinner five times!
埃迪，我喊你吃饭五次了
and you know that I'm right
你知道我是对的
I'm not hungry!
我不饿
why do you play with my heart?
为何玩弄我心
end of the road
路的尽头
still, I can't let you go
我仍不能放手
Here you go, dad.
送你的，爸爸
it's unnatural
这不寻常
Why are you handing me my own drill with a bow on it?
你们为什么把本来就是我的钻孔机送给我，还系了丝带
For your hormones.
为了你的荷尔蒙
Drill your feelings away!
钻走你的感觉
Aww.
噢
This bow would look so cute on a baby girl.
这丝带配上小姑娘会很可爱的
go to the end of the road
走到路的尽头
still, I can't let you go I found this in the sink.
我在洗脸池旁边看到了这个
it's unnatural this in the pantry.
在饭厅看到这个
And these...
还有这些
In between the magazines in the bathroom!
在浴室的杂志中间夹着
Oh, calendars with cute baby girls dressed as vegetables.
哦，日历封面是穿着蔬菜装的小女婴
How did these get everywhere?
这些怎么会到处都是
Do you know what baby girls turn into?
你知道小女孩会变成什么吗
Teenage girls, and, Louis, trust me,
青春期少女，路易斯，相信我
Neither of us want that.
那不是我们想要的
Are you sure? I mean, come on.
你确定吗，我是说，多卡哇伊啊
I don't think that's cute!
我不觉得那很可爱
I think it's freaky! It's like a curse!
我觉得那很可怕，像是诅咒一样
It's like this poor baby angered some witch
就像是，这个可怜的孩子惹恼了女巫
Who cursed her to be trapped in a cabbage body!
女巫就给她下了诅咒，把她困在了卷心菜里
And now she needs an emperor's kiss
现在她需要被国王亲吻
To release her from the curse,
才能解除诅咒
But the emperors are gone -- replaced by democracy.
可是已经没有国王了，因为现在是民主国家
So this poor cabbage baby is left alone in the fields
所以这个可怜的卷心菜女孩被抛弃在田地里
To be pecked at by crows.
被乌鸦钳啄
And then a photographer comes along,
然后有个摄影师看到了
And he takes a photograph of her,
他给她拍了张照片
And he sells it for lots of money,
卖了好多钱
But he leaves her alone to a life of misery!
但是他就把她留在了一生的苦难之中
For who could ever love a cabbage-faced baby?
因为没人会爱一个卷心菜孩子的
you just don't understand
你不明了
February's a carrot.
二月的是个胡萝卜
Shop is closed!
都说老娘已经不经营这业务了
when I can't sleep at night
夜不能寐
without holding you tight
因无法与你相拥
girl, each time I try
女孩，每次的尝试
I just break down and cry
我都崩溃哭泣
pain in my head
伤心欲绝
oh, I'd rather be dead
哦，我宁愿死去
spinning around and around
不停地旋转
although we've come
尽管我们
to the end of the road
走到路的尽头
still, I can't let you go
我仍无法放手
it's unnatural
这不寻常
you belong to me
你属于我
I belong to you
我属于你
come
走
to the end of the road
到路的尽头
still, I can't let you go
我仍无法放手
it's unnatural
这不寻常
you belong to me
你属于我
I belong to you
我属于你
I don't
我不
Enough little man boyz! You've been in here for days!
别听了，你呆在这儿已经好几天了
Come to dinner now!
吃饭去，现在
it's unnatural
这不寻常
you belong to me
你属于我
I belong to you
我属于你
although we've come
尽管我们已
to the end of the road
走到路的尽头
still, I can't let go
我仍无法放手
it's unnatural
这不寻常
you belong to me
你属于我
I belong to you
我属于你
come
走
to the end of the road
去到路的尽头
still, I can't let it go
我仍然无法放手
whoa-whoa-whoa
喔，喔，喔
it's unnatural
这不寻常
you belong to me
你属于我
I belong to you
我属于你
Girl. I'm here for you.
姑娘，我在这里等你
All those times at night when you just hurt me
你伤害我的这些夜晚
And just ran off with that other fella...
然后和别人离开
Baby, I knew about it.
宝贝，我知道的
I just didn't care.
我只是不去在意
Ready for book club?
准备好开读书会了吗
I finally finished it!
我终于读完了
This is why we flush our hamsters.
这就是我们清理仓鼠的原因
I can't right now.
现在不行
Uh, something's wrong with Eddie.
埃迪遇到困扰了
He's depressed. He won't eat.
他情绪低落，不肯吃饭
He won't listen to me.
也不听我的话
I don't know what to do.
我不知该如何是好了
I even bought this parenting book.
我甚至买了这本育儿书
"Advanced chess strategy."
《高级象棋策略》
The forward was written by a computer.
前言是电脑写的
Well, Eddie's upset because of Nicole.
埃迪是因为妮可变成这样的
Ever since she started hanging out with that new kid, Chris.
自从她开始和新来的克瑞斯来往后
How do you know that?
你是怎么知道的
Because I talked to he—as a friend.
因为我和她谈过，以朋友的身份
I mean, I know your policy on children friends,
我是说，我知道你的孩子不是朋友政策
But maybe that's what Eddie needs right now.
但是这是埃迪现在最需要的
He has friends.
他有朋友
He has Dave, uh, the scrawny one...
有戴夫，嗯，还有个瘦瘦的
Big red.
大红
Jessica, you can't fix this.
杰西卡，你没法解决这个问题
What Eddie needs from you right now is just to know
现在埃迪最需要的是知道
That he's not the first person to go through it.
他不是第一个承受这种痛苦的人
I thought you might like this alarm clock better.
我想你有可能更喜欢这个闹钟
The lazy dog tells you when to get up.
这只懒狗会告诉你什么时候起床
It doesn't matter.
无所谓了
You know, I once had my heart broken, too.
你知道吗，我也曾经受过情伤
When Oscar Chow dumped me in college...
大学时奥斯卡·周甩了我
I was devastated.
那时感觉一片灰暗
I thought I would never feel happy again.
我曾一度认为我再也不会幸福了
I lost weight. My grades suffered.
身体消瘦，成绩也受到了影响
I cut my hair.
我剪了头发
It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
那时我人生中最糟糕的二十分钟
How did you get over it?
你是怎么走出来的
I realized that...
我意识到
Life is a lot like chess.
生活就是棋局
You can't win every game.
你不可能次次都赢
But you also can't give up when you lose.
但是你也不能因为输了就灰心丧气
You know, if Oscar Chow hadn't dumped me,
你知道吗，如果奥斯卡·周不甩了我
I never would have met your father.
我也就不能遇到你的爸爸
And I wouldn't be here.
也不会有我
Exactly.
是的
And that would be tragic.
那将多么可悲啊
Like the 2,000 marching-band scholarships
就好比两千块的乐队奖学金
That go unclaimed every year!
每年都没有人去领一样
Non...stop!
不，住手
Louis, I found more calendars in the garbage.
路易斯，我在垃圾桶里发现了很多日历
Yeah, I threw them out. I changed my mind.
是，我扔的，我改变主意了
We don't need another baby.
我们不需要其他孩子了
What made you change your mind?
什么让你改变主意了
I overheard you talking to Eddie,
我无意听了你和埃迪的谈话
And it made me think
让我想了很多
If I had a daughter and she had her heart broken,
如果我有个女儿如果有谁伤了她的心
I'd hunt the boy down who did it and murder him.
我会杀了那个负心汉的
You were right. I don't want a teenage girl.
你是对的，我不想要个青春期少女
Checkmate.
将军
I am cornholio!
我是玉米超人
1, 2, 3 and to the 4
一，二，三和四
snoop doggy dogg and Dr. Dre is at the door
史努比和德瑞博士在门口
ready to make an entrance, so back on up
准备出场，那就准备好
And that's why I always play monopoly...
这就是我为什么我玩大富翁
As the boot.
作为引导
Hey.
嘿
Why isn't Nicole sitting with us?
为什么妮可不跟我们坐一起了
I don't think she's gonna be sitting with us anymore, guys.
我不认为她再也不会和我们一起坐了，伙伴们
But I'm wearing a kilt.
但是我穿了短裙
Do you understand?! I'm not wearing pants!
你明白吗，我没穿裤子
Well, gentlemen...
好吧，伙伴们
It's been a pleasure seeing you.
见到你们很高兴
