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Max, Sophie had a new purse. Everybody has something new.
麦克斯，苏菲买了新包。大家都有新的东西。
Even the homeless lady on the bus had a new barrette,
连公车上的流浪女都有个新发夹，
and even though her feet were split open, I still felt jealous.
虽然她双脚都开裂了，我还是好嫉妒。
Oh, this is not a bill. Now, that's a first.
这不是账单呢。真新鲜。
"We are offering you a new phone, as older flip-model phones such as yours have been degraded."
"我们要赠送给您一台新手机，因为您手上的老型翻盖手机已经落伍了。"
They're slut-shaming phones now?
他们现在开始羞辱手机了吗？
I don't want a new anything. And I like my old flip.
我不想要任何新东西。我喜欢我的老翻盖手机。
Where's my damn letter from the pants company, saying, "Girl, those things are tired. Here's a new pair for free"?
裤子公司怎么不给老娘寄封信来说，"姑娘，你裤子都被你穿累了。免费送你条新的吧？"
If you want something for free, why don't you just go on Kickstarter like everyone else?
你想要免费的东西，怎么不跟其他人一样上圆梦网呢？
You can't use it for clothes. Can you? And if you can, can I?
你不能在上面弄钱去买衣服啊。可以吗？要是能，我可以吗？
Why not? It's no stupider than candle arms.
为啥不行？买衣服都没握把蜡烛蠢。
Now, if the candles had real arms and could slap the idiots who bought them, I'd invest in that.
如果那些蜡烛真有手臂，而且可以扇白痴买家的巴掌，那我绝对会投资。
Max, we have nothing, and if anybody is giving us something for free, we're taking it.
麦克斯，我们一无所有，如果有人愿意白送我们东西，我们就得收下。
You are getting that free phone, and I am begging for free clothes. Things are looking up.
你得去拿那个免费手机，我也要去求免费衣服。形势正在好转啊。
You might want to Kickstart some underwear.
要不要先圆个有内裤穿的梦。
