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Receptionist: Mike Seaver!
Mike: Here's my number then.
Auditioner: Hello, Mike.
Mike: Oh, hi, very nice to meet you.
Auditioner: Are those prop books?
Mike: Err...oh, oh, no. See, I go to Alf Landen Junior College. In fact that's where I'm
supposed to be right now, but when I read about this open audition for a TV show, I cut class.
Oh, and you got Morgan Chase...wow. I should shut up, right?
Auditioner: Mike, I usually get eight by tens for my actors.
Mike: Oh, oh, well...ah...see I'm just starting out, so I'm using two by threes. But I'm gonna
work my way up.
Auditioner: What kind of experience do you have?
Mike: Ah, well...errm...I auditioned for a play at the Lincoln Centre, and I auditioned for the
Swimmy the happy fish commercial, and I was this close to being a roll-on deodorant.
Auditioner: Now, this shoot's next Thursday, will you be available?
Mike: I got the part! I got the part!
Auditioner: No, Mike, Mike, I'm just checking you're availability. Do you have school that day?
Mike: I'll drop out!
Auditioner: OK. Let's give this a try...err...you're reading for Officer Bukowski, I'll read Officer
Sarah's lines. Now, you've just been shot. You can stand. Bukowski, I'm sorry, that bullet was
meant for me; why'd you do it?
Mike: Ah...it doesn't matter what happens to me Sarah, but you've got a family who loves
you...
Auditioner: Hang on, there's an ambulance on the way.
Mike: Sarah, I'm not gonna make Sergeant, am I?
Auditioner: Thank you.
Mike: You're welcome.
Auditioner: No, see, you're supposed to say goodbye, now.
Mike: Oh, oh, right. Goodbye.
Auditioner: Ha. He reminds me of a young Michael J. Fox.
Ben: You mean it? Really? Yes! Alright!
Carol: Good news, Ben?
Ben: The best of my life! I'm in the bake sale!
Jason: Maybe I've been sending you mixed signals, Ben. You want to go and toss the old
football around?
Ben: No, Dad. See, the lovely Laura-Lynn's running the bake sale. I mean, how can she ignore
a dude with three hundred chocolate-chip cookies, melting in his hands. Oh, by the way Mom,
I'll need those by tomorrow.
Maggie: Hold on, Ben. You think, you can just tell me to make three hundred cookies, and
leave.
Ben: Mom, you're the greatest.
Mike: Mom! Dad! The coolest thing happened today! You're never gonna guess what happened!
Go on, take a guess! No, you'll never guess!
Carol: You're in the bake sale, too.
Mike: No. No, look, a bunch of us guys from acting class, we all went to this open audition,
and...are you ready for this? I am going to be...oh this is so cool, you can't even believe it...on
ABC's hit series, New York Heat!
Jason: No.
Maggie: You got a part on television!
Mike: Yeah! On New York Heat! Produced...produced by Mr. Aaron Spelling.
Jason: Starring Morgan Chase!
Mike: Yeah.
Jason: You're gonna meet her!
Mike: Yeah!
Jason: Woo woo! She's a... She's very talented.
Mike: Yeah Dad, and I play Officer Bukowski, the heroic rookie cop, who takes a bullet and
dies in the line of duty!
Jason: You die!
Mike: Yeah
Maggie: Oh, that's wonderful!!
Carol: Well, why did they pick you, over a real actor?
Mike: A real actor? Ah. You know, I know we teased each other a lot over the years, Carol,
but...I...I thought that maybe this time you'd understand; I mean this is my big break. I
thought that just for maybe once, you'd be happy for me.
Carol: I was only kidding. I mean, that's just what Mike and I do.
Jason: Yeah, well maybe this time you've gone a little too far, Carol.
Carol: I'll go and apologise.
Mike: Not a real actor, rat breath.
Mike: No, no, no, Operah, my first role was not opposite De Niro in Street; it was on New York
Heat. You know what, Operah, we have something in common...I'll tell you, I'll tell you...
When I was on the cover of TV guide, they used Anne Margaret's body too.
Ben: Hey, Mike...
Mike: Oh, hey, hey, hey Benny! Did you hear the great news?
Ben: Yeah; you're gonna be on New York Heat.
Mike: Right! Did Mom and Dad tell you?
Ben: No, I heard Carol talking on the phone. She'd been calling all her friends and bragging
about you.
Mike: This is our sister you're talking about?
Ben: Yeah, the one with the constipated look.
Mike: Well, well, well. This is very interesting.
Ben: You know, I always knew you'd end up on TV. But, I figured it would be on the News.
Mike: Hey, as long as you're here, you wanna help me run my lines?
Ben: Me?
Mike: Yeah, yeah, look. OK, now you can play, Officer Sarah McCauley.
Ben: You mean, Morgan Chase?
Mike: Yeah.
Ben: Ho ho ho!
Mike: Yeah, OK, alright. Now, I've just been shot, OK? What are you doing?
Ben: I'm getting into character.
Mike: OK. Bang! Ah...ah.
Ben: Oh, Bukowski, that bullet was meant for me; why'd you do it?
Mike: Oh...it doesn't matter what happens to me, Sarah, but you've got a family who loves
you.
Ben: Hang on, there's an ambulance on the way.
Mike: Sarah, I'm not gonna make Sergeant, am I?
Ben: I see this every day, and I never get used to it.
Jason: Ben, homework, or no homework, we're tossing the football around.
Ben: Dad, see, we were just err...
Jason: Go on! I've gotta talk to Mike...and Ben, don't let your mother see you with those
breasts. Mike...
