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You know, I've been thinking about time travel again.
我最近一直在想着时光旅行。
Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?
为什么，你又撞上看不见的路障了？
Put it on the back burner.
暂时先不说那个。
Anyway, it occurs to me if I ever did perfect a time machine,
我想到如果我发明了完美的时间机器，
I would just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.
我会回到过去把它送给自己，省得要自己发明它。
Interesting. Yeah, it really takes the pressure off.
有趣。是啊，让我减压不少。
Sounds like a breakthrough.
听起来像是个大突破，
Should I call science magazine and tell them to hold the cover?
要我打电话给科学杂志让他们留下头版的位置吗？
It's time travel, Leonard, I will have already done that.
这可是时间旅行，兰纳德，过去的我已经打过了。
Then I guess congratulations are in order.
那就等着祝贺你啦。
No, congratulations will have been in order.
不，过去的你已经祝贺过我了。
You know, I am not going to enjoy this party.
你知道我肯定在派对上不会开心的。
I know, I'm familiar with you.
我知道，我了解你。
The last department party, professor Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.
上次系里的派对芬克顿教授抓着我谈了45分钟的窑洞挖掘。
Yes, I was there.
我也在场。
You know what's interesting about caves, Leonard? What? Nothing.
你知道窑洞有什么好玩的吗，兰纳德？什么？什么也没有。
Well, then we'll avoid Finkleday, we'll meet the new department head, congratulate him, shake his hand and go.
那我们躲开芬克顿，我们会见到新的系主任，恭喜他，跟他握手然后就走。
How's this? Pleased to meet you, dr. Gablehauser.
这样如何？见到你很高兴，盖博豪斯博士。
How fortunate for you that the university's chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you've done no original research in 25 years,
很幸运学校雇用了您，尽管您25年来都没做出什么原创研究，
and instead have written a series of popular books, that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes,
而是写了一系列畅销书将科学这一伟大的概念降格为奇闻轶事，
each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.
每则故事都简单到能在一次肠部运动的时间内看完。
Mahalo. Mahalo's a nice touch.
Mahalo。Mahalo是不错的修饰。
You know there only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language? Interesting. You should lead with that.
你知道夏威夷语里只有8个辅音吗？有趣，你就这么做开场白吧。
Oh, god, look at this buffet. I love America.
瞧瞧这自助餐。我爱美国。
You don't have buffets in india?
印度没自助餐吗？
Of course, but it's all indian food. You can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life. Shmear me.
当然有，但都是印度菜，在孟买你可找不到能救命的面包圈。给我涂点酱。
Well, here is an interesting turn of events.
事态的发展真是有趣。
What? Howard brought a date?
怎么了？霍华德带了女伴？
A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazingly forward.
貌似更合理的解释是他在机器人方面的研究取得了重大进展。
Hey, what up, science bitches?
怎样，科学怪人们？
May I introduce my special lady friend Summer?
这位是我特别的女性朋友桑茉。
Howard, I told you touching is extra. Right. Sorry.
霍华德，告诉你，碰我要加钱的。好。抱歉。
Here comes our new boss. Be polite.
我们的新老板来了，礼貌点。
Hi, fellas. Eric Gablehauser. Howard Wolowitz. Howard, nice to meet you. And you are?
大家好，艾瑞克·盖博豪斯。我是霍华德·沃勒维茨。霍华德，见到你很高兴。你是？
An actual real scientist. How was that?
一个真正的科学家。这个开场白怎样？
I can't believe he fired me.
我不敢相信他开除我了。
Well, you did call him a glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.
你说他是被捧出来的高中理科老师，还说他上一次成功的试验是点燃了自己的屁。
In my defense, I prefaced that by saying, with all due respect.
让我解释一下，我开头就说了“恕我直言”。
Morning. Morning. You're making eggs for breakfast?
早。早。今天早餐做鸡蛋吃？
This isn't breakfast, this is an experiment.
这不是早餐，这是试验。
Cause it looks a lot like breakfast.
但看起来很像早餐。
I finally have time to test my hypothesis about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins and its impact vis-a-vis taste.
我终于有时间验证我的理论，从蛋白质中分离水分子以及它对口感的影响。
Sounds yummy. I look forward to your work with bacon. As do I.
听起来真开胃。我很期待你配上熏肉后的成果。我也是。
You know, I'm sure if you just apologize to Gablehauser, he would give you your job back.
我相信只要你跟盖博豪斯道歉，他会让你回去工作的。
I don't want my job back.
我不想回去工作。
I've spent the past three and a half years staring at grease boards full of equations.
过去三年半时间我都在瞪着写满方程式的板子上。
Before that, I spent four years working on my thesis.
在那之前我花了四年时间写论文。
Before that, I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade.
那之前我在上大学，而在大学之前我在上5年级。
This is my first day off in decades and I'm going to savor it.
这是我十几年来第一次休息，我要好好享受。
Okay. I'll let you get back to fixing your eggs.
好吧，你回去弄你的鸡蛋吧。
Not just fixing my eggs, I'm fixing everyone's eggs.
不只是我的鸡蛋，弄的是全人类的蛋。
And we all thank you.
我们都感激你。
Use new eggs.
要用新鲜鸡蛋
Hi. Hey, I'm running out to the market. Do you guys need anything?
嗨，我正要去超市，你们要带什么吗？
Oh, well, this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.
哦，这就是那些不熟悉数学规律的人会称之为巧合的事件之一了。
I'm sorry? I need eggs. Four dozen should suffice.
你说什么？我要蛋，4打就够了。
Four dozen? Yes, and evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free-range, large, extra large and jumbo.
4打？对，棕蛋、白蛋、走地鸡蛋、大鸡蛋、加大鸡蛋、跟特大鸡蛋各要8个。
Okay, one more time.
好，再说一次。
Never mind. You won't get it right.
算了，你肯定搞不对。
I'd better come with you. Oh, yay.
我最好跟你一起去。好呀。
How come you didn't go into work today?
你今天怎么没去上班？
I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
我在休假，因为我不愿向平庸之流屈服。
So you got canned, huh?
这么说你给开除了？
Theoretical physicists do not get canned ... but yeah.
理论上说物理学家不会给开除……但你说对了。
Well, maybe it's all for the best. You know, I always say when one door closes, another one opens. No, it doesn't.
可能这样最好，你知道，我总说一扇门关上了总会有另外一扇门打开的。不，不是的。
Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved.
除非两扇门用继电器连接而且还装有传感器。
No, no, I meant ... Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door.
不，我是说……或者一扇门关上时产生的空气压力作用于第二扇门引致……
Never mind. Slow down. Slow down. Please slow down!
算了。慢点。慢点。拜托慢点！
We're fine! You're not leaving yourself enough space between cars.
没事啦！你跟车都不保持足够的距离。我有啊！
Oh, sure, I am. No, no, let me do the math for you. This car weighs, let's say 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you ... 120?
不，我给你算算，就算这车重4000磅，我140磅，你120磅。120磅？
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you?
不好意思，我冒犯你了吗？
Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth? Well, yeah.
你的体重跟自我价值有关系？当然。
Interesting. Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say 4,400 pounds. Let's say 4,390.
有趣。那么我们就算总重4400磅吧。算4390磅。
Fine. We're traveling forward at - good lord - 51 miles an hour.
好。目前时速是，老天啊，51英里/时，
Now let's assume that your brakes are new and the calipers are aligned.
现在假设你的刹车是新的卡钳也是校准的。
Still by the time we come to a stop, we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us,
当我们停下时，我们占有的空间跟前面那辆别克是一样的，
an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation ... oh, look, they built a new putt-putt course.
因此我们会在短时间内给压成稀泥，死得很惨……哇，看，他们在铺新的迷你高尔夫场地。
This is great. Look at me. I'm in the real world of ordinary people just living their ordinary, colorless workaday lives.
真好，看看我，我生活在普通人的平凡世界中，过着他们无趣平常的一天。
Thank you. No, thank you. And thank you, ordinary person.
谢谢。不，谢谢你。并且谢谢你，普通人。
Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?
你想知道关于番茄的趣闻不？
Uh, no, no, not really. Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?
不，不想。你不是要买鸡蛋吗？
Yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket.
对，但任何对细菌繁殖学稍有了解的人都会在出去结账时才买冰柜里的食物。
Oh, okay, well, then maybe you should start heading on out then.
那好，那你现在就该准备出去了。
No, this is fun.
不，这样很好玩啊。
Oh, the thing about tomatoes - and I think you'll really enjoy this - is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit.
关于番茄的事，我觉得你肯定会喜欢的，它们给摆在蔬菜栏里，但事实上却是一种水果。
Oh, interesting. Isn't it?
真有意思。是吧？
No, I mean what you find enjoyable.
不，我指的是你觉得有趣的事情很有趣。
Oh, boy. What now?
天啊。又怎么了？
Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much.
服用维生素剂有一定价值，但人体能吸收的量是有限的，
What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.
你买的东西会变成昂贵的尿液配料。
Well, maybe that's what I was going for.
也许我就是要这个。
Well, then you'll want some manganese.
那你就买些锰。
Well, that was fun. Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.
刚刚很好玩呀，也许明天我们可以一起去那种仓储式商店。
Oh, I don't know, sheldon. It's going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today.
我不知道，谢尔顿。我要花一段时间才能从今天度过的乐趣中恢复过来。
Are you sure? There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.
你确定？大宗采购有很多优势呀，
For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one-month supply at a time.
比如说，我发现你一个月采购一次卫生棉条。
What? Think about it. It's a product that doesn't spoil and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years.
什么？想想啊，这是不会变质的产品，而且接下来你至少还要用30年。
You want me to buy 30 years worth of tampons?
你要我买30年份的卫生棉条？
Well, 30,35. When did your mother go into menopause? Okay.
30或35年，你母亲什么时候绝经的？好了！
I'm not talking about this with you.
我才不跟你说这个。
Oh, Penny, this is a natural human process, and we're talking about statistically significant savings.
佩妮，这是人类自然发展的进程，而且能省下一大笔钱。
Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle and a 28-day cycle ... are you fairly regular?
假设你每周期用15个卫生棉条，28天一周期……你经期正常吗？
Okay, no warehouse store, but we're still on for putt-putt golf, right?
好吧，不去仓储式商店，但我们还是一起去迷你高尔夫吧？
Hey, I just ran into Penny. She seemed upset about something.
嘿！我刚碰到佩妮，她好像有点心烦。
I think it's her time of the month.
可能她大姨妈来了吧，
I marked the calendar for future reference.
我在日历上做记录以备参考。
What's with the fish?
鱼是怎么回事？
It's an experiment.
是实验呀。
What happened to your scrambled egg research?
你的炒蛋研究呢？
Oh, that was a dead end.
那是死路一条。
Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to be. So ... fish?
炒蛋就这样啦。那……鱼？
I read an article about japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought, hey,
我看到一篇文章，说日本科学家将发光水母的DNA注入到其他动物体内，我就想，对哦，
fishing night lights. Fish night lights? It's a billion-dollar idea.
夜光鱼灯。夜光鱼灯？这是个能发大财的主意。
Mum is the word.
沉默是金。
Sheldon, are you sure you don't want to just apologize to Gablehauser and get your job back?
谢尔顿，你确定不要跟盖伯豪森道歉然后回去上班？
Oh, no, no, no, I have too much to do.
不不不，我有太多事情要做。
Like luminous fish. Sorry, I didn't ...
比如说发光鱼。
That's just the beginning.
这只是个开头，
I also have an idea for a bulk mail-order feminine hygiene company. Oh, glow-in-the-dark tampons!
我还有一个大宗女性护理用品邮购公司的设想，夜光卫生棉条！
Leonard, we're gonna be rich.
兰纳德我们会暴富。
