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So I knocked down the bathroom door, picked up my poor unconscious mother, carried her to the car, and drove like a madman to the emergency room.
于是我撞开了洗手间的门 抬起我那不省人事的母亲 把她抱上车 然后像个疯子一样开来了急诊室
You're a real hero, Howard.
你真是个英雄 霍华德
No, I did what any son would do.
不 我只是尽了一个儿子应尽的义务而已
Hang on a second — you picked up your mother? Her own legs are barely able to do that.
等一下 你抱起了你母亲 她的体重连她自己的双腿都支撑不住
I was filled with adrenaline. It happens to be how women lift cars off babies.
都是肾上腺素的作用 就像是母亲为了救出车下的婴儿 可以把车抬起来一样
Yeah, I'm saying, it'd be easier to lift a car.
我就是这个意思 抬车都比抬你妈容易
What can I tell you? After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable.
怎么说呢 在我鼓足了勇气提上她的裤子之后 人类就阻挡不了我了
So, how is she?
你妈妈现在怎样
They're running tests—I don't know. It may have been a heart attack or heart-attack-like event.
还在作检查 我不知道 可能是心脏病发作或类似心脏病发作
What's the difference?
有何区别
A heart-attack-like event is an event that's like a heart attack.
类似心脏病发作就是指类似发作心脏病的症状
Thanks for clearing that up.
谢谢说明
Regardless, coronary problems are eminently treatable.What's more likely going to kill Howard's mother are the antibiotic-resistant super-bugs festering in every nook and cranny of this hospital.
当然 冠状心脏疾患是可治的 真正害死霍华德妈妈的是在这医院每条沟沟壑壑里溃烂着的耐抗生素的超级臭虫们
Okay, you're not helping.
拜托 你别添乱了
Disagree.
我不同意
Go sit over there.
去 那边坐着去
I'll sit over there—it looks cleaner.
我要坐那里 看着更干净
Is there a history of heart disease in your family?
你们家族有心脏病史吗
My family is the history of heart disease. There's a cave painting in France of one of my ancestors doing this.
我的家族史 整个就是一心脏病史 法国有处洞穴壁画 画的就是我一老祖宗在这样
So it's probably genetic.
那这可能是遗传的咯
Well, maybe. Mom also had just gotten some news that might have upset her.
可能吧 妈妈还听到了些可能让她心烦的消息
What? It's not important.
什么 这不重要
Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.
说吧 霍华德 我将是你妻子 你可以跟我分享任何事
You'd think that. But no.
你这么想 但并不是的
You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?
你告诉她我们要结婚 然后她就心脏病发作了吗
You can't take that personally.
你千万别多想
How else is she supposed to take it?
那让她还能怎么想
What you've got to keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I've been the whole world to my mother.I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can't.
你只要记住的是 我爸去世后 我就是我妈妈的整个世界 她会觉得其他能做到她所不能的任何女人 都是威胁
You mean sexual intercourse? Well, when you say it like that you make it sound creepy.
你是指性爱 你这么一说 就显得怪怪的
What happened? Howard's mother had a heart attack because I have sex with him and she can't.
怎么了 霍华德妈妈心脏病发作 是因为我跟他上床 而她自己不能
Bernie, wait! I'll give you $1,000 if you'll drive me home.
妮妮 等等 你载我回家 我就给你一千块
Nice of you to come for Howard.
你能来医院看霍华德真好
Well, he's my friend. It's what you do.
他是我朋友嘛 应该的
I'm sorry, did I miss something?
抱歉 怎么了
It's just so weird. Howard Wolowitz is my friend. You know, once he tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I broke his nose.
只是觉得怪怪的 霍华德·沃罗威茨是我朋友 有次他想深吻我 被我打破了鼻子
That's a little easier to believe than he's your friend.
这比他是你朋友更容易相信点
Yeah, tell me about it.
是啊 谁说不是呢
You know, my brother had a group of friends like this in India. They dressed up in leotards and goggles and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.
我哥在印度有一大群像他一样的朋友 都穿紧身连衣裤戴护目镜并自称“新德里恐龙战队”
You mean when he was little.
你是指他小时候吗
Not as little as you'd want him to be.
没你想的那么小
You know, this stuff is horrible. You want to see if we can find the cafeteria and get real coffee? Sure.
这咖啡太难喝了 想去找看看有没餐厅 买杯好咖啡吗 当然
We're going to the cafeteria to get some coffee. You want anything?
我们要去餐厅买咖啡 有人要吗
I'm fine.
我不用了
That's nice that they're getting along.
她们能合得来真好
Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend are hanging out together? Oh, yeah, that can only be good for you.
你现任和前任女友一起玩 没错 对你来说只可能是好事
What are you talking about?
你什么意思啊
One of them broke up with you. Do you really want her telling the other one why?
其中一位跟你分手了 你真想她告诉另一位为什么吗
I don't care. I don't have anything to hide.
无所谓 我又没什么藏着掖着
Good, good. Then you have nothing to worry about.
很好 很好 那你就没什么好担心的了
No, I do not. You are a mean little man.
对 我一点不担心 你这个卑鄙小人
You'd think it'd be because my parents didn't love me, but actually they loved me a great deal.
你这么以为是因为我父母并不爱我 但事实上他们非常爱我
Bernie, it's not you. She's just set in her ways.
妮妮 绝不是因为你 那只是她自以为是
How can we be together if the thought of us getting married might kill your mother?
那我们还怎么能在一起 如果我们结婚可能会害死你妈啊
It's the circle of life, sweetie. One day our son will marry someone and it will kill you.
这就是生命的轮回啊 亲爱的 未来有天我们儿子结婚 会害死你
Howard, I have to go to the bathroom and no one will take me home.
霍华德 我得上洗手间 但没人肯载我回家
What's wrong with the bathroom here?
这里的洗手间怎么了
Pneumococcus, streptococcus, staphylococcus and other assorted coccuses.
这里有肺炎球菌 链球菌 葡萄球菌和其他各种球菌
Sheldon, my mother is on her deathbed and my fiance is grief-stricken over putting her there. I'm not taking you home.
谢尔顿 我妈生命垂危 而我未婚妻正极度悲伤于害她入院 我才不要载你回家
Will you at least go with me to the restroom here, so you can open the door and flush the urinal?
那你至少能陪我去厕所吗 好帮我开个门 冲个尿池
No!
不去
This might be a good time to point out, Howard, that friendship requires a certain give and take.
现在或许是指出真理的最佳时期 霍华德 友情在一定程度上是需要相互忍让的
Hold the door. Mr. Wolowitz? Is she okay?
先别关门 沃罗威茨先生 她还好吗
It wasn't a heart attack. She's awake, she's resting comfortably—we're still running tests.
您母亲不是心脏病突发 她现在醒了 在安稳地休息呢 我们还在为她做身体检查
Can I see her?
我可以进去看她吗
Actually, she said, and I quote, she'd "like to see the little Catholic girl first."
其实她有吩咐 原话是这样的 她想“先见那个天主教的小妞”
Me? Why me?
我 为什么是我
Jews have been asking that for centuries. There's no real good answer.
这个问题犹太人扪心自问了好几个世纪了 至今没什么好答案
Okay, well, wish me luck.
好吧 祝我好运
Don't worry, you'll be fine. Let's just hide Mr. Cross. If it touches her, it burns.
别担心 没事的 先把十字架藏起来 如果那玩意儿碰到她 会烧伤的
You brought a Catholic girl home to your mother? Yeah.
你带一个天主教的女孩回家见你妈 是的（在犹太人遭受的千年大迫害中 十字军东征曾掀起迫害犹太人的高潮）
Why don't I write you a prescription for Xanax.
那我给你开点镇静剂吧
Finally.Oh, what fresh hell is this?
总是完事了 这又是哪门子新玩意儿
Wait, you can't leave here, you've been exposed.
等等 你不能离开这儿 你已经被感染了
No, I haven't. It's all good.
不 我没有 防护措施做得很好
You want to talk about crazy mothers, Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up.
你想聊极品老妈这个话题吗 莱纳德的妈妈对他没表示过半点的认可
Oh, the poor thing. It makes him desperate to please women. That's why the foreplay goes on and on.
可怜的小家伙 所以他才会这么渴望取悦女人 也正是他的小前戏耍不停的原因
It does, doesn't it? It's like he's trying to win a prize.
的确 对吧 他好像为了要获得奖励一样
A word of advice—don't doze off. You will never hear the end of it.
佩妮贴心小建议 千万不要打瞌睡 不然你都听不见何时结束
Help me! Come back! Penny!
救我 回来 佩妮
There are a couple of things I did with Penny that might be a little silly, but... Like what?
我跟佩妮一起做过一些事 听上去可能有点傻 但是... 比如
Every once in a while, before we'd go to bed, I'd put on a little show for her.
偶尔 在我们上床前 我会为她表演点小节目
What do you mean "a show"?
你的“小节目”是指什么
Well, you know, the way I took my clothes off.
这个嘛 就是我脱衣服的方式
Like, to music?
比如伴着音乐
I'd look pretty stupid if there was no music.
如果没音乐 那我看起来不很傻啊
So you'd do a striptease?
那你跳的是脱衣舞咯
I wasn't swinging around a pole.
我又不是抱着根钢管搔首弄姿
Good, good.
不错 不错
There was one time I put body glitter on.
不过有次我往身上擦了闪粉
Well, I don't think you have to worry about Penny telling my sister that.
我觉得你不必为了佩妮会不会把这事告诉我妹妹而担心
No, she wouldn't.
对 她不会说的
Your big problem is me telling her.
你的问题在我会不会告诉她
You really are a mean little man.
你还真是个卑鄙小人
Oh, God, that's so true.
天啊 的确如此
Yeah, I know, right?
的确 我懂 对吧
Hey, what took you guys so long?
你们俩怎么去这么半天
Oh, we were just chatting.
我们聊天来着
That's nice. What about?
不错嘛 聊什么了
We were just comparing notes about how you are in the sack.
我们只是对你的床上功夫交换下意见而已
That's funny. Yeah. What if she wasn't kidding?
真有趣 就是 如果她不是在开玩笑呢
It doesn't matter. I'm the king of foreplay.
没关系 哥可是前戏小王子
Hey, how'd it go?
怎么样了
You're a putz. You know what that means?
你个2B 你知道这是什么意思吗
Yeah. Do you?
知道 你呢
Your mother just taught it to me.She thinks she got food poisoning from that deli and she just wanted to make sure I was okay.
你妈刚教我的 她觉得她在那家餐厅食物中毒了 想确认下我是否没事
And are you?
那你有事吗
No, because I'm engaged to a putz.You let me believe I was the reason she had a heart attack.
有 因为我跟个2B订婚了 你让我误信她心脏病发是因为我
Well, based on the available evid—
那是基于现有证据嘛
Shut up! She said I'm a wonderful girl and that you're lucky to have me.
闭嘴 你妈说我是个好女孩 能娶到我是你的福气
Where are you going?
你要去哪里
To the toilet! Is that okay with you?!
厕所 你有意见啊
Is it just me, or does she sound sexy when she's angry?
是我的错觉 还是她生气的时候 声音是特别性感啊
Mountain Elf.
高山精灵
He takes the elf from off the shelf.
这精灵不是高山的 是现成的
Hell Hounds.
地狱猎犬
Hell Hounds—who let the Satanic dogs out? Who? Who-who?
地狱猎犬啊 谁把撒旦的狗放出来了 是谁 谁 谁
Colossal Serpent.
神勇巨蟒
I got a colossal serpent right here.
我裤裆里面也有条神勇的巨蟒
Must you?
你非得这样吗
Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.
抱歉 我只是想让你高兴点
Rotting Zombie. Sheldon's new Facebook photo.
腐朽僵尸 谢尔顿校内新头像
Zandor, Wizard of the North. Ha! I win.
赞多 北方巫师 哈哈 我赢了
If you skip the part about being under a two-week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.
如果硬要省略掉你因为接触到致命疾病而被隔离两周这件事 我们甘拜下风
