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Come on, Katee. Don't make it sound so cheap.
别这样嘛，凯蒂何必说得这么低俗呢
I'm sorry, fiddling with yourself in the bathtub is a real class act.
抱歉，在浴缸里自欺欺人确实是出类拔萃的行为
Thank you.
谢谢
So, shall we get started?
我们可以开始了吗
Sure.
当然
But can I ask you a question first?
但我能先问你个问题吗
Do you want to play Cylon and colonist?
你想扮演赛昂人和殖民者吗
No.
不
I want to know why you're playing make-believe with me when you could be out with a real woman tonight.
我很奇怪，你明明可以和真人约会却在这里和我玩性幻想游戏
You mean, Bernadette?
你是指伯纳黛特吗
No, I mean Princess Leia.
路克·天行者的双胞胎妹妹) 不，我是指莱娅公主(星战人物
Of course I mean Bernadette. She's a wonderful girl and she really likes you.
我当然指的是伯纳黛特她是个很好的女孩儿，真的喜欢你
I know, but she's not you.
我知道，但她不是你
I'm not me.
我又不是真实的
The real me is in Beverly Hills going out with a tall, handsome, rich guy.
真正的我现正在比弗利山庄和某个英俊高大的有钱人约会呢
Really? Tall?
真的吗，很高大吗
- Six-four. - Ouch.
-一米九三呢，-哇哦
The point is, you've got a wonderful girl in your life, And you're ignoring her in order to spend your nights in the bathtub with a mental image and a wash cloth.
问题在于，你遇到了一个好女孩但却宁愿整晚在浴缸里对着虚拟影像和浴巾性幻想，也不去理她
Howard!
霍华德
What are you doing in there?
你到底在里面干嘛
I'm taking a bath!
我在洗澡
I hope that's all you're doing!
你可别做啥其他猥琐的事
We share that tub!
那浴缸我也要用
Don't remind me!
别提醒我
Oh, man.
老天
All soaped up and no place to go.
都是泡泡，没有我子孙的容身之地了
How ya doin', buddy?
哥们儿，你还好吧
I was humiliated on national radio. How do you think I'm doing?
我在国家电台上被当众羞辱能好受才怪
Come on, it wasn't that bad.
拜托，没这么夸张吧
What do you want?
你们来干嘛
We represent the Lollipop Guild, and we want you.
(绿野仙踪中的麦琪肯人欢迎多萝西)我们是棒棒糖团队，欢迎你的到来
Okay, so Kripke played a joke on you.
好啊，克瑞普克捉弄了你一下
It wasn't funny.
不好笑
- I thought it was funny. - Raj.
-我觉得很好笑，-拉杰
You laughed.
你也笑了啊
Did you laugh?
你笑了吗
I fell on the floor.
我笑得滚到地板上了
All right, he got you.
好吧，这次是他赢了
You can get him back.
你可以以牙还牙嘛
I refuse to sink to his level.
我才不要堕落到他那种水准
You can't sink. With all that helium in you, you're lucky you don't float away.
你落不了，体内充满了氦气遇水不飘走就算你走运啦
Are you really admitting defeat?
你当真认栽了吗
I never admit defeat.
我从不认栽
Good.
很好
However, on an unrelated topic, I am never getting out of this bed again.
但是，从另一个方面讲我再也抬不起头做人了
What if you could make Kripke look even sillier than he made you look?
那何不这样，你设法捉弄克瑞普克让他看起来比你更蠢
I don't think that's possible, dude.
我觉得这不可能，老兄
You're not helping.
你尽说些丧气话
I didn't come to help, I came to mock.
我本就不是来说好话，我是来吐糟的
Sheldon, what you need to do is figure out a way to exact vengeance on Kripke, like, uh,
谢尔顿，你现在得好好想想到底怎么报复克瑞普克
like, how the Joker got back at Batman for putting him in the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane.
好比蝙蝠侠把疯子罪犯小丑扔进了亚克汗疯人院，事后他不是越狱了吗
That's true. He didn't just stay there and talk about his feelings with the other psychotic villains.
是啊，他不光是待在里面对其他精神病恶棍大吐苦水
He, he broke out and poisoned Gotham's water supply.
还越狱了，还对哥谭市的供水系统投毒
Well...
好吧
- I suppose I could poison Kripke. - No!
那我该给克瑞普克下毒，-不
No. It's a simple matter. There are several toxic chemicals that'd be untraceable in an autopsy.
不，这其实很简单有那么几种有毒化学物尸检是查不出来的
Okay, uh, that's the spirit,
你抓到了要领
but, um, let's dial it back to a non-lethal form of vengeance.
但手段可以温柔点不要置人于死地
How about we whoopee cushion on his office chair?
这样，在他的办公室椅子上弄个放屁垫
He'll sit down, it'll sound like he's flatulent, even though he's not.
他一坐下，听起来就像是有胃气胀尽管他不是真有胃气胀
Let's keep thinking.
还是再想想吧
Oh, gee, you're too late.
老兄，你可来晚了
Scarlett Johansson and Wonder Woman were just in here trolling around for neurotic, little weasels.
斯嘉丽·乔纳森和神奇女侠刚在这里轮番歌颂神经质和胆小鬼呢
I came to talk to Bernadette. She's working today, right?
我来找伯纳黛特，她今天上班吗
Yes, but I don't think she wants to see you.
是啊，但我觉得她不想见你
Why not?
为啥
Come on, Howard. You hurt her feelings by not calling her all week.
得了，霍华德，你伤害了她一个星期都不给人家电话
Plus, I've kind of been talkin' some smack about ya.
加上我还说了你不少坏话
Hello, Howard.
好啊，霍华德
Wait, Bernadette, I need to talk to you.
等下，伯纳黛特，我有话对你说
I can't now, I'm working. This will only take a second.
现在不成，我在工作呢。就一会儿
You asked me to think about where our relationship was going, and I did.
你之前让我好好考虑我们之间的关系，好吧我想过了
Bernadette?
伯纳黛特
Will you marry me?
你愿意嫁给我吗
Is this more comedy that I don't understand?
我不明白，这算是玩笑吗
No. I'm serious.
不，我是认真的
I'm never going to find another girl like you who likes me and is, you know, real.
你是我生命中的唯一重要的是，你是真心喜欢我
So, this isn't a joke?
这不是开玩笑吗
- No. - Then you're insane.
-不是，-那你铁定疯了
I prefer to think of myself as quirky.
我觉得自己这是突施奇招
Howard, we've only been on three dates.
霍华德，我们只约会了三次
We haven't even had sex yet.
甚至还没上过床
Fair enough.
你说得对
When's your break?
你什么时候下班
Don't you just hate when this happens?
好事将成，你们嫉妒我了不是
All right, how's this for revenge?
好了，用这个来复仇如何
A solution of hydrogen peroxide, and one of saturated potassium iodide.
一剂过氧化氢(双氧水) 加上一剂饱和碘化钾
What's this?
这又是什么
Mountain Dew.
山露汽水(碳酸饮料)
Ahh, refreshing.
啊，真是提神醒脑
We're going to combine these chemicals with ordinary dish soap, creating a little exothermic release of oxygen.
然后将这两样化学制剂，与普通洗碗剂结合就会放热，释放出氧
Foamy vengeance. Yes, exactly.
泡沫复仇记。完全正确
This is brilliant, Sheldon. How are we going to deploy it in Kripke's office? Already taken care of.
谢尔顿，这招实在是高但你怎么布置到克瑞普克的办公室。早就布置好了
Observe.
注意看
This is a live shot of Kripke's lab via a mini webcam I was able to install, thanks to a dollar bill discreetly placed in the night janitor's shirt pocket.
通过迷你摄像头拍摄到的克瑞普克实验室实况拜我偷塞到看门人衬衫口袋里的美钞所赐我才能装了这个迷你摄像头
At the same time, I also secured large quantities of these chemicals above the tiles in the drop ceiling.
与此同时还将大量这样的化学制剂放到了他的天花板顶上
Oh, Sheldon,
哦，谢尔顿
you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
你让我想起年轻时的莱克斯·卢瑟(后成为超人的死敌)
You flatter me, sir.
您太过奖了，先生
- Let me guess: motion sensors? - Yes.
-我猜猜，带运动感应器的，-是的
The reaction will be triggered when Kripke reaches the center of the room.
一旦克瑞普克走到屋子中间感应器就会触发
Mwah, ha, ha.
木哈哈
I gotta say, I am really impressed.
我不得不承认，我很佩服你
This is truly the Sheldon Cooper way to get even.
这绝对是谢尔顿式的复仇方式
It may be low-tech,
这招或许技术含量不高
but I still maintain the whoopee cushion has comic validity.
但我还是坚持认为，放屁坐垫自有其喜剧效应
Here comes Kripke!
克瑞普克来了
Who is that with him?
跟他一起的是谁
I believe that's the president of the university. And the board of directors.Abort! Abort!
我想那是我们大学的校长还有理事会成员，快中止，中止
There is no "abort." How could you not put in an "abort?"
没有中止程序，你怎么能不设中止程序
I made a boo-boo, all right?
我疏忽了，好了吧
I think the board will really appreciate how well we're using that NSA grant, President Seibert.
塞伯特校长，相信理事会将很欣慰地看到我们将国安局的拨款运用得如此之好
Right here we have a micro-controlled plasma...
这里是我们的微电脑控制的等离子...
Wow. Looks like the Ganges on laundry day.
看上去就像洗衣日那天的恒河
At least they don't know it was you.
至少他们不知道是你干的
Hello, Kripke.
你好，克瑞普克
This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper.
你此刻遭遇的经典恶作剧来自恶意复仇的谢尔顿·库珀
If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face,
如果你想看看自己那张蠢蛋脸
YouTube this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube.
这段视频即刻就会上传到
Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali
并感谢莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德和拉杰·库萨帕里
for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.
感谢他们在复仇大业中对我的支持与鼓励
Well, I'm going back to India.What's your plan?
我计划逃回印度去，你呢
Hey, here's your tip from table seven.
给，7号桌给的小费
Oh, thanks.
谢谢
Testing. Check.Check two.
麦克风测试，再次测试
Oh, now what?
这回又怎么了
You want me to throw him out?
想让我扔他出去吗
No, that's okay.
不用，没事的
Are you sure? He's small.
你确定，他个子那么小
I bet I can get a nice, tight spiral on him.
我打赌我肯定能给他来个漂亮的背摔
I want to dedicate this number to a great gal who I've done wrong.
这一曲，我想献给一位被我伤害了的好姑娘
Bernadette
伯纳黛特(曲调来自The Four Tops乐队的《Bernadette》)
I am so sorry for
我感到非常抱歉
Trying to propose to you
因我向你求婚之事
Bernadette
伯纳黛特
You found it creepy
你觉得我行事疯狂
But that's just the kind of thing I do
但那就是我的风格
I know now it was too soon to talk of love
我知道现在说爱还太早
It was just a crazy idea that came to me in my tub
那只是我泡澡时突发的奇想
But, Bernadette, give me one more chance Sweet Bernadette
但伯纳黛特，请再给我一次机会亲爱的伯纳黛特
I'll get the hang of this thing They call romance, Sweet Bernadette
我保证很快找到窍门找到浪漫的窍门，亲爱的伯纳黛特
I dream to once again
我梦想着能够再一次
Kiss your lips, Sweet Bernadette
吻上你的双唇，亲爱的伯纳黛特
Sincerely yours Howard Wolowitz Bernadette...
您的裙下之臣霍华德·沃罗威茨 伯纳黛特
- Oh, I am so sorry. - Are you kidding?
-实在听不下去了，-你开什么玩笑
That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.
那是别人为我所做的，最浪漫的事
Bernadette!，Thank you, Cheesecake Factory!
伯纳黛特，谢谢芝士蛋糕工厂
